Half The World Away
by Rocks-my-socks
Summary: AU. When Caroline tells Victor she is pregnant with Bo, she does so in the hope of doing the right thing and saving her marriage. But when he gives her an ultimatum, life changes for the Brady family forever.
1. Chapter 1

**Author note: Hi all! Well I have to say I did not think I was going to be back in the Days fandom so soon – I had hopes, but no ideas and then one just came to me and I knew this was going to nag at me until I got it down on paper so when Nano came – the time seemed right to get going.**

 **Half The World Away is going to be a fic which is somewhere in between the two I wrote last year, which means it is going to involve, Shawn, Caroline and Victor in the first instance – but unlike A _Stumble_ the young Brady's are going to become young adults during this fic and that is going to bring its own sets of troubles and romances – but it is going to be a slow burn. Whether it is going to end up the length of _No Silence Without Sounds_ I have no idea – but I am looking forward to finding out! **

**Chapter 1**

Caroline Brady was many things. She was a daughter. She had been a student. She was a friend and a pillar of the community but neither of those labels was what she prided herself on.

When you got to the heart of her though, she was a wife and a mother. She had been a wife for nearer ten years than five, a mother for almost six. That was what mattered to her.

She was a worker and she was a friend. She was a churchgoer and a cake baker…

And she was an adulteress.

She was what she had sworn she was never going to become. And she hated it.

Shawn Brady had made her a good husband. She knew her parents had never fear in that score, nor had she got that matter. When she had come home and said the two of them were to be wed – well she did not think she had ever seen her mother smile as much as she did that day. She was over the moon. Only a very few of her friends had voiced the concern that he was not going to be enough for her when push came to shove whatever that meant.

At the time, she had been so angry at them for even daring to think like that because it was _her Shawn_ they were talking about and _of course_ he was going to be enough for her. In fact, she was sure that because of the way she had behaved during that time period to the naysayers, that she had lost one or two friends, but even now she was not so sure if that mattered to her.

For what she had lost in them she had gained in Shawn- he was the best friend she had ever had and was ever likely to have.

He was going to be enough for her forever and that was something which she was going to make sure of for the rest of their lives together. That was what she had told herself when the two of them had got married.

But she hadn't.

She had cause to wonder then if they knew that she was going to cheat on her husband before she had done. Maybe so…

Maybe they did for she had not seen this day coming. She had never wanted it to come. Why on earth would she look for it?

But as much as she wished passionately that she could, she knew it was simply too late to turn the clock back now.

Part of her wondered if she could get away with blaming Victor for his _and_ for her part in the affair.

He was the one who had the reputation, wasn't he? He was the one who people knew as a bit of a bad boy.

She was the reliable Catholic wife, or she had been.

God forgive her.

At that moment she looked about her home and she tried to tell herself even then that they had all been wrong about her and this life was enough for her, for it was her belief it should be enough for anyone.

She was not one of those women who needed to be told how good she had it for she knew that.

She knew how lucky she was…

She had a husband who was not only willing to go out and work for their family at all hours of the day but she had one who did it. Her kids had never had to go hungry because Shawn was such a harder worker.

And not only was he a harder worker, but he was so loving and a good father.

And he was good to all of them. She knew it was wrong and one day it was going to change but she had girl's friends whose husbands put hands on them when they were frustrated…. and there was nothing that they could do to stop it as they were her husbands.

It made her so angry that they were put through all that and she wished she could change it for them sooner rather than late…

But she had never had to worry about any of that as no matter who he was, that was _not_ Shawn.

He had never put his hands on her or raised them to her. And he never would to her or the children.

He just wouldn't.

Her heart broke again as she thought of the devotion which he felt to his kids. That was another way in which Shawn was different from the other fathers around here, she thought to herself. They were plenty who were more than happy to leave it all to the mother, but that had never been the way of her husband.

Since they had brought their kids into the world he had been nothing short of dedicated to them.

Even before they had had any babies she had been sure that was going to be the case, but then the day Roman came into the world she had known it to be true.

Having a son for Shawn – it was seeing all of his dreams come true.

And then in quick succession, she had given him two little princesses.

At the end of a long hard day, he did not go to the pub or spend everything he'd earned keeping Caroline on a shoestring budget. The only money he kept back was for their travelling fund. The rest was hers…

Not only was there that but there were the ways that the two of them were so similar. They had both been brought up in strong family units and they had both been brought up with strong faith. When they had been thinking of getting married she was sure both of those things had had something to do with the fact they had gone ahead, as there were the beliefs and values which were twinned and they were what both had wanted to build their lives on. She was sure they were going to bring up children similarly before they had discussed it. And they were going to be on the same page when it came to that.

So, what where his crimes against her she thought to herself. Why had she felt the need to go to Victor?

The one downside of the fact that Shawn was such a hard worker was that it had left her on her so much. And as much as she had her mother and his sister for company she did not think it was any word of a lie to say she had got bored without Shawn. That left one nagging doubt in her and that was how they had it begun.

She had craved the attention of a man. At first, she had thought she had just wanted her own man but at times went on, much to her shame, she guessed that could not be true.

Victor had come back to town.

Victor Kirakis had been an old friend of her's since before the time she and Shawn had been married and he had been a friend of her husband's as well. The two of them, she thought were unlikely friends, but they had been and when they were all young they had hung out in the same sets. They had all got along and she had held the belief they made each other better people for their differences.

The two boys had asked her about around the same time though and therefore she had had a choice to make.

If she was honest then her first thought had been to accept Victor. He had been the one who had had the nice car and the chances of foreign travel and the stuff which young girls' thought were important when they really were not.

But when she had gone to say no to Shawn she had seen something in his eyes which on the spot made her change her mind and accept him. There was something there, something about Shawn. At the time she had simply thought it was the twinkle in his Irish eyes but then as time had gone on she had known behind a doubt that there was something which was very real about him.

Real in ways which Victor was never going to be. And so she and Shawn had been on a date, her mother had breathed a big sigh of relief that she had felt as if her daughter had picked the right man and then just like that the rest really had been history.

Shawn and Caroline had become Mr and Mrs Brady and then they had had some little Brady's… one, two, three of them…

And they had been so wonderfully happy.

But life was not excitement all of the time and god only knew she understood she sounded weak but she had – she had made many mistakes.

Since Victors return she could see he had not changed. He was still the same man he had always been and so he had been only too willing and eager to take her out and show her a good time. After she had had a very hard day with the kids and no time at all with her husband there had come to a point when she had just thought yes – _yes,_ she was going to go out with Victor though she swore to go that first time she had thought she was going to do it just as his friend. There had not meant to be any more to it than that.

After all, that was the way they had spent time together when they had been young so she did not see why they could not do it now they were older.

What she had not accounted for was the fact that in the time they had been apart he had changed. And so had she.

He had got more ruthless in his aims for what he wanted she thought, yet in an odd way that had made him more attractive she saw in hindsight. He was a man with a goal and he knew how he was going to get to them and when the two of them sat talking she was thrilled as he told her just how he was going to get to them. She felt as if life was going to be an adventure for Victor Kiriakis and she did not think she was strong enough to deny that was something in him which she admired tremendously.

As for the ways she had changed the truth of it was all she felt was as if she had got older. She had settled into her role as mother and wife and part-time marketplace worker and she had been settled in her lot but when he had come back for just a moment she felt as if yes – maybe there was another way for her and she had wanted to see what way that could be…

The night he had first kissed her she had been surprised. She had not reproached him, but herself. And she had gone to him to tell him that – that nothing of the kind was ever going to happen again and if that was why he was hanging around her then he might as well go now because she was not that sort of lady…. It was only after that she had realised that her mistake had been going to see him to tell him that. She often thought later what might have been – how different her life might have been if she was only able to content herself with a phone call.

But she had not she thought as she put on her coat and made her way to the door. Molly, Shawn's sister had said she was going to watch the kids while she popped out for a while, and pop out she did have too. For she had news for Victor…

News which had to be shared. News which she wished she did not have…News which she had to tell him for it was going to change their lives forever.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Caroline could hear nothing so loudly as she could hear her heels on the pavement as she walked up to see Victor. What she had to say could only be said in person, though for the last few weeks she had done all that she could to try not to talk to him in person or even so much as on the phone. She had wanted to undo everything which she had done up to this point – but when she had felt that she was no longer on her own, she had found she had a lot more thinking to do than even she had known. Or thought possible.

Therefore, she had given herself some distance between from him in the hope it was going to give them both some perspective and time for her to figure out what she was going to do. And she had – she was going to have this baby with her husband, for she could not let the mistakes which she and Victor had made destroy everything. She did not just have the two of them and their child to think about but at the forefront of her mind were the children she already had. But – and try as she might not to – it did not feel right to not tell Victor that he was going to be a father. She had waited as long as she could in the hope that the decision she had made was going to settle in her and she was going to get past this feeling within her but she could not, much to her frustration.

Shawn and the kids were her world but after all that she had been through with Victor of late, she did have some feelings for him so she had to try and do right by him as well. Just because they could not be together did not mean he should not know about the baby.  
She was so sick of lying, she thought as she rung the doorbell to his house – it was time for her to begin to tell the truth as she had been raised to do once more.

When the door opened she knew Victor's butler was surprised to see her and she wanted to tell him sorry for a moment for she knew Victor would have been hell to work for the last few weeks but Victor, she did believe, was the kind of man who inspired loyalty and so they were going to be fine.

"I will go and get Mr Kirikas for you, Mrs Brady," the man said but no sooner had her name been said that Victor appeared. She caught her breath when she saw him. This was going to be no easy conversation. Yet it had to be done.

Victor had hoped so many times that she was going to come to him that when she had heard her name he had thought he was dreaming – but he was not and she was here.

"I need to talk to you." He did not think he had ever seen that look on her face before.

"Ok," he nodded and he led her to a place where they were going to be afforded more privacy.

Victor had to admit he had not found the way she had been of late easy to handle and it had irritated him more than once. He had thought when the two of them came face to face once more he was going to be able to make her pay. No one treated him the way she had done for he was Victor Kirakis and he was not going to be cast aside as she had tried to push him out…. but the fact remained she was Caroline and as long as he drew breathe then he knew his heart was going to run on her. And from the moment he saw her, all that mattered was that she was there.

He could not be angry with her when she was his heart's desire. When the two of them being alone was his heart's desire.

"Caroline, my darling, at last," he said as the two of them went into his study. He tried to take her hands in his own but was rather worried to see she was not going to allow that.

When she had not been in communication he felt he had had good cause to worry she had got cold feet on him and now he could see it was true.

He drew back into himself and he said words that he knew were going to shame him in certain quarters if it was found out he had said them.

"So you really spurned me then?" He said to her. All the excitement which he had felt at seeing her drained away and he was left with the anger at what he could not help but see as her betrayal.

"Oh Victor, please – it is something much more important than all of that. I need to talk to you."

At least that was an improvement he thought to himself and his annoyance was quelled some much as he felt the anxiety roll off of her. He did not like to think she was panicked.

"What is it?" He said to her softly for he did not think that if he went any harder than that she was going to be able to say what she had to and he did want to hear it. If he could make her life better for her then he would, no matter what it was.

She held her face in her hands, took a few deep breath's and then she bit the bullet. If she said the words then they were going to be real and her conscience could clear.

"I am pregnant, and it is your child and I do not think I am ever going to be able to forgive myself for that," announced Caroline through her tears as she dared to look at Victor.

She had no idea how he was going to react to this news but to her great horror, he looked as if he was on top of the world. That was not what she what she had been expecting. "Oh my darling, you're sure?" he did not know if he had heard her right at first but if he had….

He was sure of it. When she had said she was going to marry Shawn he had lost all hope of the two of them having their own child – even then that was what he had wanted for the two of them, so to hear that she was going to have their baby – he did not think she was ever going to be able to understand what that meant to him. It was all the world and more.

"You can't possibly see this as good news - don't you see how much it is going to destroy?" she said as she held her head. Ever since she had learnt she was going to have his baby she had felt an odd mix of sick and dizzy and this time it was nothing to do with the morning sickness.

Victor cleared his throat as he moved towards her. No, he did not see what this was going to destroy. All he saw was how much he stood to gain from this.

"Of course, I see it as good news - all this time have you not been listening. My darling, I love you - I have not been saying it as a matter of course but because it is the truth - "there was a part of him which was sad to see she still thought that he was fooling around and to him, she was just as any other woman might be.

But she was not. When they had made Caroline for him they broke the mould and he did not want her to think otherwise.

Caroline did not think she had ever felt this hopelessness when she had been pregnant before.

Suddenly, though she knew it had not been the case all of the time, all she was able to remember right then was that she had felt a lot of love and hope when she had been carrying the others. Its absence this time was gaping.

"We can be together, all three of us. And I will love you, we'll both adore you, you'll not be alone for a moment," he said and kissed her forehead. She darted across the room as if he had bitten her, not tried to show her how deep his devotion to her went.

"Caroline…"

"No – no that can never be," she said to him firmly. "I can't - _we_ can't."

"I mean what I say. I can not and I will not walk away from this. I cannot accept another man raising this child not when you're so sure he or she he is mine." He said as he worked out her plan. The one thing he meant to do was show her he was not going to accept this little one becoming a Brady. That was not what his child was.

Caroline wished she could hide the pregnancy from him once more. She placed her hands over the womb which he was gazing at with such affection.

She had not known – all she had had to do was keep her mouth shut. The morals of the last few days mocked her right then. She had been a fool.

"But Shawn is my husband. And the father of all of the rest of them."

"I don't care - this one is mine and I – and we will bring them up."

It sounded so final. So harsh. It was as if Victor was trying to lock away her past - but to her, the past was not yet the past. She was still married to Shawn but if it came out…. The thought was unbearable to her.

"But Roman, Kimberly and Kayla…"

"I will take them on."

"But that is not what I want." It felt to her as if her life was running out of control. As if it was water running through her hands and she could do nothing to stop it.

He had to admit that hurt a little but then he knew her – this was bluster.

When it came to the truth of it, he thought to himself. She had come to him and told him. That was what she had to hang on to.

But Caroline was thinking on very different lines.

She had told Victor as a matter of curtsey as she believed it to be the right thing to do and because she was so tired of doing the wrong thing. It felt as if that was all she ever did sometimes.

Not so they could be a family.

"Shawn will never agree to it."

"Then we will leave them with him."

Caroline did not think she had ever heard him sound so callous.

"I will never leave them." She said firmly – she would never say anything so firmly again. If she had thought the idea of Shawn finding out about her deception was unbearable then this was on a whole new level.

In the years which followed, Victor would come to regret those words and wished he could take them back.

That moment they had made sense. He was ready to make sure his child was made safe. But he did not know that it would change everything. A light which went out of Caroline's eyes he could never return to them. Not when it came to him.

"Then they are going to have to come with us, aren't they?" Victor surmised.

He only knew he had done something to damage them when she began to shake.

He knew he needed time to mull this over.

But he knew the one thing hew as not going to let happen was for Shawn to raise any child which he had conceived with Caroline.

Never.

He had made the choices which he saw as acceptable clear to her. The ball was in her court as far as he was concerned.

"What are you going to do Caroline?" Victor asked.

"I – I do not know what to do," admitted Caroline. There was only one thing in the world which she wanted to do right then and that was to go on living the right then, but it was the one thing she could do. He was not going to let her.

"Well, you have got till the baby is born to make up your mind."

It was clear cut that point he had big plans for all three of them – but it felt to her as if he was trying to take over her life.

She would have thought that would never happen – but now it was.

"I will let you know before that," she said as she got her purse and walked back out. She was not going to let this drag on that long for any of them – it wasn't fair.

X x x

Caroline got back from Victor's that night and she truly believed the man she had willingly gone to so many times lately was a monster and the truth was she was disgusted with her self that she had gone to him at all. Put plainly and simply, it should never have happened.

Yet it was too late for all that.

She got back to the fish market and she was sure she was still shaking but knew she had to get control of that as fast as she could because of young Molly upstairs. Tears pricked at her eyes. Her young sister in law had always been so good to her and if she found out the reason that she had asked her over there that night was help deceive her brother…. Well, she did not want that to happen. More than anything she did not want her to think she had made a fool of her. So the one choice she had was to not let her find out. And she had had enough practice of lying of late she reminded herself. And she had told enough for her own self-benefit so now if she had to tell a few which she found painful there was nothing she could do but suck it up.

"How has it been love?" she asked with a smile as she went in, taking off her coat.

"Dead, dead boring - I was hoping at least one of them was going to wake up to give their auntie a cuddle but you have got them all too well trained – they slept right through. How was your friend?" Molly asked.

"My what?"

"Your friend – you said she as rather upset – "

"Oh of course. I am so sorry, it was – it was quite a trying night. She was very upset," sighed Caroline.

"Well, it looks as if you have had a night of it so I am going to get off now. Is Shawn going to be home soon?" she asked gently and Caroline nodded.

She was going to be so glad to see him as this night for she knew this was one of those when the two of them were safe.

"Would you like me to wait until he is back with you?"

She shook her head. What she needed was a bit of time to work all this through in her head.

"Are you sure you are ok?"

Caroline gave a nod. "it has just been a bit of a long day," she admitted to her sister in law. "But I am going to be ok."

When she worked out what she was going to do then she was going to be ok.

"Ok – night, night – I'll see you soon,"

"Night," she said as she saw Molly out the door. She knew when she got home then she was going to make comments to her mother in law about the way she had behaved but she felt as if she had bigger fish to fry right thing.

She shut the door behind her and she breathed.

She had been a fool to tell Victor as she had known she was going to be. There had always been a voice within her which said the best way to go about all this was to try and keep it to her self and yet she had just had to open her mouth.

And so she had landed here.

She went over to the sideboard in the kitchen and put her hands on the side.

What were her choices she thought to herself? Well, she could do what she wanted and she could stay put. Let Victor tell Shawn and see what came of it.

But the fact was she was terrified of that option.

Yes, there was a chance the two of them were going to pull together and see it through but there was also a chance Shawn was never going to see her the same way again and that when he looked at her it was going to be with hatred in his eyes.

He might want her to go and he might keep the kids and there were so many what ifs and might's that she did not feel as if she could trust to that course at all. It was too big of a gamble and if she did it then she had to gamble with all which she held dear and she – she did not feel as if she could do that.

But there was no other option if she stayed. It was not as if she could do what she had wanted to do and raise the baby quietly with Shawn.

Victor had made it quite clear to her that that was not going to be an option.

So, if she did not stay then the only path left open to her was to leave she supposed.

And there – there was a chance as well. There was a chance that she and Victor might get on, living as man and wife. There was a chance the two of them were going to be able to make a success of being together but the only thing which she knew they would do if they went for that option was she knew they were going to break Shawn's heart. If she walked out and took the kids, then that was something she knew which her husband was never going to get over.

It broke her heart to know there was no way out of this which did not hurt Shawn for he was the only one of them who had done nothing wrong lately.

Tears trickled down her cheeks… She did not think she could stay here then. After all, it was one thing for Shawn to hate her for all she had done wrong but it was another entirely for him to look into her eyes and tell her that. And then there were their families.

Her mother and father were never going to forgive her for this and her parents in law certainly were not going to. No, she knew it was the coward's way but – but she also knew she was going to have to leave, for all her own selfish reasons. And she was going to take her children with her.

And from that, there was no coming back.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

For someone who never wanted to be on this path again, she was on it fairly regularly lately thought Caroline as she went up to Victor's house once more.

After she had made her choice she had waited a few days in the hope she was going to see another way through all this mess but she was beginning to think there just wasn't one. And so it was time to give him her decision she had thought, in case he had got impatient and set off a bomb which was going to tear her life apart before she had had the chance to do so herself.

"Well, my dear, I did not know if I was going to see you again so soon," said Victor as he let Caroline into the house. The truth was he had been rather nervous about when she was going to come again. Since the two of them had been together, neither of them had ever had to wait long as he knew when you got down to the very heart of it, they could not stay away from each other. But this time had been different.

"I did not want you to get the wrong idea or – or to say anything which you do not need too," she said to him.

He nodded.

"Let me take your coat and we can have a proper talk."

He was sure that was what the two of them needed. Now she had had a chance to think, he was sure she was going to be able to see it from his point of view.

"No, there is not time, I have to get back," she said to him and he felt the familiar wave of disappointment. But there was something in him which said it might not go on forever.

"Well, then I guess in that case you have come to say what – what you need to say." He said to her as he sat back in his office chair and she gave a nod. That was one way to put it and she had indeed.

"I want to know if there is no other way we can go about this… now you have had a chance to think. Is there no way that maybe we can tell the baby when he or she is eighteen about you and apart from that –"

"You can raise it with Shawn." He said and she could see the hurt in his eyes. She had had to try one more time for the family – the way she knew it. Yet his expression made her bite her lip and rethink what this child meant to him. As far as she had thought that, he was doing this to destroy her marriage to Shawn, so that they themselves could have something more which in her heart she knew had been nothing short of his end gave for a while now but – but now she saw it went deeper.

"Yes – I – I want to do that so I can give the baby and the children a stable home." Surely, he had to see that she had to consider the children she had already, as well as the one which would be.

He breathed and reminded himself if there was one truth right then, it was that she was going to be tired and emotional and he had to keep her patience with her whether that was easy or not.

"That is something which I cannot accept," he said to her in such a way that he knew he had shut down that conversation. The look on her face said she was accepting was he was saying to her.

"I do not know if I am the position to make a deal at all but if I do come with you – if we are to go away together and be a family then there – there is one thing I ask of you. And only one." She said to him quite seriously.

He nodded. If he thought it was going to get her to leave the country with him, right then he was sure he was going to promise her a gold clock.

He gave a nod. "Anything."

She knew what she was asking might be unfair given their situation but – but she had to ask.

"When the baby comes, I want to be the one who gives her or him their name."

It had been the one thing she had always allowed Shawn no matter what. That he should be the one to name the children.

Maybe she should afford the same thing to Victor.

But as petty as it was - she did not want too.

He sighed – well that was a very small price to pay if he got to spend her life with her.

And he did not want to alienate her.

"My darling if we all get to be together, then you can call any of the children we have whatever you want," he said as he put his hands on her arms.

She nodded but she did not say a lot for fear he was going to see in her eyes what she knew had to be the truth. She had had her best child bearing years already with Shawn and if she had her way then the one she was carrying right then by rights had to be her last. If Victor had dreams of a big family with her, then he was going to be disappointed.

"But I do need to be there to bring the child up and – and don't you want us to be together?"

For the last few months, he had got the idea that was all she had wanted thought now he begun to worry she just had wanted to have her cake and eat it.

She nodded. She had spent so much time thinking on it of late but she was sure she could square herself with it now.

"If this is the way it has to be – then it has to be."

She had no one to blame but herself.

They looked at each other and Victor felt as if he wanted to cry out that he was no prison warder here – to remind her that at one stage this was everything the two of them had dreamt of – that was what they had said. The two of them were lovers and best friends and this was the best thing for them.

He did not want to feel as if he was the monster who was taking her away.

He took a depth breath and once more he reminded himself of her condition and wondered on what that had to be doing to her nerves. She was going to come through this and when she did he was sure she was going to be happy he had had the courage of their convictions. She had to.

X x x

Caroline spent the next few days preparing herself for what she was sure was going to be the biggest regret of her life. She had tried to get herself out of it but at the end of the day…

This was where they were.

And she had to admit there was something within her which was glad the decision had been made. She was sure it was the one she had least favoured, but now it was made there was something in her which was beginning to let her plan for the future. She made endless list of what she was going to need to take with her when she and the children left for the – well, for the future. She planned what they were going to carry forward.

And she did so for the needs of each of her children. She did not know if the comforts of home were going to be much of a solace to them at the end of the day – but she knew she had to try and make it so.

It was as she sat at the kitchen table with her lists she jumped out of her skin, due to the knock on the door. It could not be Shawn – he was at work. Immediately, Caroline felt as if she was under surveillance. Covering her papers with the newspaper, she made her way to the front door, which she opened slowly in the hope that it was going to be a deliver van driver or someone she was going to be able to send away easily but no such luck.

"I did not know you were going to come around today," she said and it was not until she shut her mouth she realised how rude she must have sounded.

"What a lovely greeting for your mother," Evelyn laughed as she stepped in to the house. Caroline knew in that moment she was rather lucky to have such an easy-going mama.

If she had had another one, then she would have had a lot more than that to say about it.

"Well – I - I am sorry it is just I have had a lot - a lot on today. Why don't the two of us have a coffee?" she said to her. It might do her the world of good to take a break from her planning she thought.

They walked back to the kitchen area and Caroline wished to god she had stashed what she had been doing away a little more carefully for she had no idea how she was going to explain it if it came to it.

"Now that is a lot more like it." Her mother said to her with a grin. "I take it your current mood is down to my grandchildren."

Caroline was sure it would be very easy for her to blame all of this on the kids but that was something which she was not going to do. It wasn't fair on them.

"No – I did not sleep last night – which was funny, because Kayla did."

But then Kayla did not have on her mind what her mother did.

"Oh, come on now Caroline, you have been a mother long enough now to know that you sleeping when the kids do is the golden rule," her mother said to her with a smile but when she saw her daughter did not grin back she felt something in her begin to worry.

"Caroline?"

"Oh, sorry mama," she said to her and it was clear she had got distracted in that little amount of time it had taken her to cross to the kettle.

"It must be bad," her mother said as she looked at her.

"Nothing a good night's sleep won't cure."

And when they were on their way to Greece maybe that was something she could have.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

After her visit to her daughter, Evelyn could not shake the feeling there was something wrong. She knew Caroline. She knew her like no one else so when she was sad or scared she did not need to be told.

And the fact was, it was on her mind days later and so it was time to go and do something about it all. While her husband loved their daughter as much as she did, sometimes did not think her father knew her as well as she did these days – after all, he was at work so much of the time and their girl was changing so much, even then, as she did as she was a young girl. She was changing as she grew into her role as a mother.

And as Caroline and her father were both so busy, he did not get the chance to see it as Evelyn did.

And so she needed to talk to someone who knew her as she did and if that person was not Shawn there was something very wrong.

She wandered down to the docks where he worked and due to the busy nature of the work which took place down there it took a little while to find him – but when she did find him she was made welcome.

"Evelyn, it is not so often we get the pleasure of your company out here in the day," said Shawn with a grin at his mother in law, as he walked up the dock towards her. The two of them really did get on quite well so he had no trouble greeting her warmly, but it did make him wonder what it was she was doing there.

Work time visits weren't often.

"Well, I thought I would give you a treat," she said to him for she did not want to go in there and be negative right away. She reminded herself that she could have got all of this very wrong. There might be nothing wrong with her daughter but then they were going to get to the bottom of this a lot sooner if they worked together.

"That you have," he said to her with a grin for he was the sort of lad who was glad to have a break for his family.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" he asked her for whilst he was glad to see her he did not think she was going to come all the way down here for no good reason.

"Yes – yes, you can but why don't the two of us get a tea first," she said to him with a soft smile.

She thought it was going to be a bit easier for them to have this conversation if the two of them were watered.

He gave a not to say he thought it was a good idea and they went to get a drink. Shawn had coffee for he did not think there was ever such a thing as too much coffee. And it was needed.

"Now what is it I can help you with on this fine day," he said to her with a grin.

She fumbled for a while for even then she did not know if she knew quite where to start with all of this and she did not want him to think she was trying to interfere. Was she reaching outside of her own house?

But then she reminded her self that this was her daughter and she was being silly. She was her mother and if Caroline needed help then who better to help but her?

"Have you noticed Caroline is a bit – not herself right now?" asked Evelyn.

Shawn blinked and shook his head. "Not to any great degree," she said she felt a little under the weather, but he had put that down to the pressure of work a day life. "you think it's more than that?"

He asked her once he had explained.

Evelyn cleared her throat.

There was something in her which wanted to say no and that it was all fine to him but then she saw where she was, and she had a feeling if she did not think it was that bad – well she wouldn't be here.

"I just – she did not seem as if she was herself lately." She said as she thought of how distracted she had been. She did not think she had ever thought that of her daughter before, not even when she had just had her children.

Shawn liked to think he was the one who knew her best but due to the closeness between Caroline and her mother he knew he was never going to be able to shrug off her suspicions lightly. And if this was what she thought then he had to take it seriously.

And the truth was she had probably seen more of her lately than he had.

"she is – she is distracted and when she thinks people are not looking, she seems sad to me," Evelyn elaborated. She would say she was just tired she was sure but that was not the truth, she was sure of it.

"Ok – I will have a talk with her and see if I can get to the bottom of this," said Shawn to her with a smile. He had to say though he did not much right then on the inside feel like smiling. He had thought on their wedding day she should never have cause to be sad, and it hurt him even then to think she did.

"Good lad –" Evelyn nodded. She knew she could rely on him.

X x x

Caroline felt calm as she put away her lists for that day. Some toys were now ticked off of it, she thought to herself as she remembered the moment she had seen Victor's car drive away from the house that day. She had said to him she needed someone to come to the house to collect a few things and as good as his word he had sent dome one for which she was very grateful. Some people would say it was nothing important that she had sent ahead of them to Greece but the truth was they were toys the kids had played with since they were young and blankets which she knew the smell of the fish market were going to cling to.

All in all, they were going to be the items which were going to be able to comfort the kids when not a lot else could – items which were going to help them transition from the old to the new and that was something she did not think you could put a price on.

It was beginning to feel real to her now she thought – that herself and the children were going to leave Salem to be with Victor and that she was going to have another baby. That the marriage she had thought she was going to live her life around was coming to an end. There were some facts she had thought did not like them anymore but she could face them.

Just about. Because she had to for the sake of the kids – she could do anything for them.

She looked into the living room and saw Roman and Kim playing. They had been at school and nursery when she had sent the things off and she was hoping they were not going to realize they were gone.

With any luck, when they asked for them they were going to be in another country.

That thought caused their mother to take a deep breath. She did not know how long she was going to be able to fob them off if they started looking for things they could not find.

"You know I think we need to get out for a bit," Caroline said as sat down and took her youngest daughter into her arms.

"What do you think about a trip to the park?" she smiled at Kim and Roman and they were soon running to get their shoes on. She did not think she had as ever asked that and got a negative answer and she was glad to see nothing had changed that day. There were still some things which were running as normal in their house.

And which would move with them to the new house.

When they did get to the park, Caroline found she was soon abandoned by her elder two children for the delights of the swings and the slides, but she did not mind that she found as she had her Kayla there with her and she cuddled her beautiful baby.

At least that was one thing which was not going to change. Where ever the two of them went together she was always going to be her baby.

"And I am always going to be your mama – yes, I am," she cooed as she kissed her daughter's chubby cheeks. "Yes, I will." Caroline smiled with a sigh as she wished she could say to her that her dad was always going to be her dad as well. It was the truth, but it no longer felt as if it was the right thing to say.

"Are you ok mama?" a voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she saw it was her Roman there.

"Yes darling, of course, I am – why did you think otherwise?" she said as she moved to put Kayla back in her pram. It seemed to her as if another of her babies needed her right then.

"It is just you have been very quiet since we got to the park."

For a boy so young, Caroline thought he could be far too old beyond his years.

"It is – it is just mama was thinking, she might like to go on holiday soon," she said to Roman.

That was no lie. She did want to go on holiday for she wanted to go far away from all of this right then. But then it was more than that. What she wanted to do was plant the idea in his head that they might be taking a trip soon so that when Victor did take them away – well, it was not going to be such a shock to the young lad.

"I would like to go on holiday too!" he said as he sat in the crook of her arm and thought of a white beach to build sand castles on and plenty of space to run around.

She felt herself lighten as she heard that - maybe he would not find the start of what was going to happen to bad then. And by the time he got to grips with what was really going on – maybe she could soften that too. They were going to find a way through all of it, she was sure.

"We are going to have to see what we can do about that."

X x x

Caroline may not have been able to put on a show for her mother when she was there but when Shawn came home in the evenings, she made sure she was bully and bright – may be a little too much so and then she toned it down a bit – she did not want him to know anything was wrong so days when she felt she could not hide what was going on from him she made it to bed early for she was tired and she was a mother and she felt sure she could swing it believable that she needed the extra sleep.

Maybe he would think that was what was troubling her.

As for Shawn, the day he had seen Evelyn, he had been so sure he was going to go straight home and talk to his wife over what had been said but – but there never seemed in his mind the cause or the moment. When the two of them were together she was bright and fine, and when he came home to find her sleep the last thing in the world which he was going to do was wake her to have a conversation. If she needed her sleep then he was going to let her sleep.

Nevertheless, the judgment of his mother in law knawed away at him. Still, it would all come right, in the end, he thought to himself.

It had too.

X x x

If Shawn was easy to fool, not that she liked that way of putting it at all, Caroline found her mother a much harder challenge. She found she was coming round more often – as if she could sense that something was about to occur and she was a sniffer dog to find out what. She couldn't even blame her for she felt as if she was in her position – if she could sense something was wrong with one of her babies then she was going to be just the same.

And it made her angry because she knew she and her mother did not have that much time left together. She wanted to enjoy it, but now, seeing Evelyn always left Caroline exhausted – never was this so true as the time Evelyn came just two days before they were due to leave with Victor…

If she had been asked before she came, Caroline would have been torn between saying she did not want to see her mother for the feelings of guilt which she was going to turn up within her and saying she was going to be a tonic to her.

In the end, it was neither, but it had been good to be able to think of something else for just a while instead of just the destruction of her family. She found knowing it was the last time – she could relax and let her guard down with her mother for just a while. Long enough for them to hopefully leave things on a good footing.

Either way, by the time she left, Caroline was sure she needed a lie down more than ever, yet her mind returned to her preparations as soon as it could.

She and Victor were taking the kids… and they were leaving…

But in all the middle of trying to make sure the kids were going to be ok when they left, Caroline knew without a shadow of a doubt she had to do the same for herself for when they did go she was going to be the one anchor to the past her kids had.

If she was not at the top of her game, then none of them would survive leaving Salem. The routines which were so day to day to her at this point became scared.

So, she was sure the following day, she would treat them as such.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

If it was a choice between the rest of the world and her babies, then god only knew her babies were going to win every time but in the days that run up to them all leaving for Greece, Caroline felt as if she was ready to fall down and collapse at any given second.

She was not used to keeping secrets. Not on this level and she wished she did not have too.

Yet to her it was as if she was walking around with a sign on her head, which said she was going to take her kids from everything and everyone they had ever loved and there was nothing anyone could do to stop her.

How she wished _someone_ was going to stop her.

Her friends were worried over her and her mother offered to take the kids and all she could think of was how she was ever going to get the rest of the children's favourite toys out of the house without anyone noticing which she did not think was going to happen.

And then there was a voice in her which said all of that was so futile as she was not foolish enough to think that it was toys the kids were going to miss the most. It was the people. It was, above all, their father.

He was the one she would miss the most, as well.

X x x

When Caroline woke up to Shawn kissing her goodbye the next day, she was sure to roll into his sleep-warmed space.

When she made her morning cuppa she made sure to be glad she had it in the mug she like the best.

She even tried to enjoy doing the washing in her own kitchen and making meals.

Just all of it, so that if she never came back those moments were in her heart, and that they were going to live there forever. So that in her own mind, she could say yes – yes that was how it was when I was living the life I chose with Shawn. Because she had no doubt in her mind this was what she had chosen and if she had her own way even, then she felt as if she was going to choose it – and him. Again, and again and again.

She did not know if the kids knew something was up – Kim and Roman knew her well but at the end of the day, the two of them were just babies really. And for that she thanked her god. In the end, it was going to be easier. All day she debated with herself if she should let the two of them stay up late and have a little time with their father – the last hug to see them through all of it and to be allowed to tell him all they had achieved that day.

Because the two of them did achieve something every day. They were changing so much.

But on the balance, she thought no. They had to get to bed if they were going to have to get through the next day.

And as for her, she spent the time before he got home making a meal for him – a proper meal. A meal to remember.

When Shawn got home, she rushed to the door as she had done when the two of them were first married, delighted as she had been to see him home. More recently, it was something that their daughter did to welcome him home but still, Caroline was always glad when she got her husband back in the evening – that went for that night too.

"This is nice," said Shawn with a smile as the two of them embraced.

"I am nice," she said with a lie as the two of them hugged. When she thought of all the times she had told him how much he smelled when he got home from the docks she wanted to cringe.

How was it she had had so little concept of the good life she had had she thought as she made her way through to the kitchen with him.

"Well, I do not know what I have done to deserve all this," Shawn said as he came home to feast his wife had made him. He had smelled the Clam chowder before he had walked into the house. If this was to be the last night, then she was going to ensure they had a wonderful last. Not that he knew that.

For once, Caroline had made sure there was a beautiful starter for just the two of them, as well as a delicious main and a sumptuous dessert to end on.

Over the past few years, she would never have done this just for the two of them. She had had to do too much with the kids – she had felt as if she was too tired. Now she wished with all her heart, passionately, that she had done this sort of thing more.

Before he had got home she had indeed made sure their kids were in bed. She loved them more than anything but right then she needed it to be just them - she needed this memory as much as she needed air she was sure of it.

"You have been as wonderful as you have always been – and I so rarely thank you for that," she said and even then, she knew she could go no further.

She swallowed and tried to stop the tears from spilling over for it felt so selfish to cry on his shoulder when what she was crying about was the mistake which was going to take them apart from each other.

And there babies as well.

But before she had any say in the matter, he had her in a bear hug and in his embrace. How was it she had strayed so willingly from here… now she knew it to be her favourite place in the world?

He was talking to her calmly and softly as if she was Kim or Kayla and they had stumbled. The thought that they were going to be so many times when he could not pick them up brought fresh tears to her eyes.

God, she did not think she was ever going to stop crying for what was about to happen to them all.

"Oh, my darling what are these tears about?"

There was a small part of her which was desperate to say - which needed to say.

But that would defeat everything.

She was trying to make the children safe for herself and that was a goal which she knew she could not fail in – or her life was going to be ruined forever. She did not need to be told how selfish she sounded for she knew it.

But she couldn't give them up.

"Oh, it is just me being silly - it has just been a long day," she said to him as she tried to regain control of herself.

The whole idea was for her and Victor trying to slip out of the back door was so that he did not know what was going on.

"Well, that is not what your mother says to me. She says I have got cause to be worried about my wife."

Caroline gave her head a shake. She did not want to ever give him cause to worry.

"I – I'm fine," she said through her tears and then sighed. He knew something was wrong.

"I think I do - so before we have this lovely dinner of yours, the two of us are going to have a little chat," he said as he took her hand and lead her to the sofa. He had not so much as had a chance to change out of his work clothes but that did not matter anymore.

"My darling Caroline, is there anything that you want to tell me," he asked and the prompt broke her heart.

There was so much which she wanted to tell him.

"No."

"I think there is. I have not often known you to be teary before - but I have. Three times specifically."

Horror struck her heart as hope sprung into his eyes. This was the last thing in the world which she wanted him to know but she did not think she was able to stop it now.

"Are you pregnant?" he asked her.

She knew at that moment if it ever came to it - if he ever asked her if she had had an affair she could not lie to his face. She could not do it.

She nodded. What a fool she had been to tell Victor before she had told Shawn. She did not know why she had done it in that order and she did not think she would ever know.

"Oh, that is wonderful!"

She wished it was. She wished it was as it had been all of the other times, so they could just enjoy it and love it and have it as their own little baby.

"Oh, Shawn –"

"Listen, I know it is a little sooner than we had planned after our Kayla turned up but none of that stands now does it – they are on their way!"

"No – no I guess not," she said as she threw herself into his arms.

"Is that what has been worrying you the past weeks – love, why didn't you tell me? We share all these things, don't we?" he asked her and she gave a nod.

"Of course, we do – it is just like you said, Kayla is so little, and I did not know if you were going to be happy about it or not – I did not even know if I was happy about it or not," she confessed. They were the truest words she thought she had said to him in too long.

"Well, of course, I am happy about it – our table is magic, isn't it?!" he was sure they were going to find enough to go around.

She gave a laugh and nodded as he wiped her tears.

"Are you sure it is just the baby – there is nothing else worrying you?" he asked as he drew back and looked into her eyes. She was sure to some degree right then he could see right through her. And it terrified her. "Is that not enough to be going on with?" she asked with a smile.

It took him a moment before he nodded.

"Oh, of course it is more than enough – I – I can't wait to tell the kids, they are going to be made up to get a new brother or sister," he said with the same grin on his face he always did when he thought of the two of them having a new arrival. She felt blessed.

"Why don't you go and wash up for dinner?" she asked him and it took him no time at all to agree.

"You know if I were to ever go a long way from home…" Shawn said as the two of them ate. "This is the food I would long for and come home for," he said to her with a grin and she knew in that moment there was no lie.

"Well for tonight we are all safe at home," She said as she took his hand and gave him a soft smile. She did not know how Victor would feel about what she was doing if she knew but she could not lie to herself.

More than anything she wanted Shawn that night – and the two of them. Safety.

"Is it a good idea love?" he asked her and she shrugged.

It was not as if he was going to get her pregnant.

As they made their way up to the bed, Caroline in the crook of her husband arms as they went, Shawn broke the moment only too look in on their babies.

"I am just going to say goodnight to them – just quickly, darling."

She nodded and then as he said goodnight to his children she made herself watch at the door for she truly believed it was the right thing to do. She had to know what she was doing and she knew in her heart this was an image which she was going to torture herself with for a long time to come and rightly so.

All the time it was just bringing it back to her more and more what an evil she had and was going to commit.

Roman did not stir at his father's touch as Shawn leaned over and kissed his forehead as he had done ever since he had a small boy.

Kimmie, however, knew her Pop was close.

"Daddy," she murmured as he tucked her in tight.

"Stay asleep, my best girl – sweet dreams and God bless," he murmured gently as she seemed to take what he said had said and rolled back over.

Caroline hoped there was going to come a day when he stopped calling Kimberly his best girl for she did not know what that was going to do to Kayla when she was growing up.

But then she realised this was not going to be the father the two girls grew up with and that was the least of her worries right then. So, Shawn could call his child whatever he wished - and they could have this moment to themselves.

Once he had had his moment to say goodnight to all the children, Caroline was pleased to see the two of them were going to get a moment as well.

As soon as the two of them were in the bedroom she was pleased to see he felt as passionate about her then as she felt he always had and it went the same way as well. She wondered if the two of them had been home and together a bit more would things be different for them right then, for the one thing she knew for sure was that this was not wrong between the two of them.

Somethings were – sex wasn't one of them.

"Oh I love you," she sighed, moaning as she marvelled at the way she felt right then. And she would love him as long as she lived.

Knowing that that was going to be their last night together sorrowed Caroline more than she was able to say. If she could bottle their love and take it with her then she would.

If she could change the ways of the world then she would. If she could change her own foolish, selfish behaviour, then she would. But she did not need to be told if she was found out – then things were not going to go her way.

She would go on living a lie. She had built this bed and now she had to lie on it.

And pray that one day she would be forgiven.

After Shawn had fallen asleep, she rolled over and tried to switch off her own mind so easily, only to find she had no such luck.

She thought about the suit cases which were packed and at Victor's and she thought about the future. She had no idea what it held. Had it not been for the fact she was in herself two and not one right then, she would have felt alone.

Despite the fact she was under the covers, Caroline shivered - part of her was surprised that she had got this far with the baby, for if she was told of all the stress she was going to be under she was sure that something might have gone amiss.

It hadn't. This one was strong, just as its siblings were. They wanted to live, she thought as she stroked her stomach. It was flat enough for now.

Sometimes it helped Caroline to remember why she was doing this and it was not just for the children she had already but for the ones she was going to have.

A part of her felt guilty as she knew in many ways it seemed to her she was putting this one above the rest.

In her heart, she knew there was going to come a day when one of the others looked at her dead in the eye and said to her, meaning every word of it, _why did my baby brother or sister mean more to you than I did, when I was the one who was already there with you?_

She breathed out as she realised that she had her answer to that already and she was able to deny what they were saying to her and able to do so honestly, as that was not the reason why she was doing any of this. The heart of the matter what she was doing it so all of her babies could stay together and be brought up together. She did not want the one inside of her right then to grow up without the others. One did not matter more – all four of them were just as important to her.

As long as they were together, she could reason all of this was alright – for them. She could make it right.

But that night wasn't about the children. She turned and watched Shawn sleep and cleared her mind of everything beyond themselves.

God, how she loved him. And how she hated herself for what she was about to do to him.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

There were so many mornings in their past when Caroline had been happy to sleep through Shawn going to work.

But that day she made sure she was awake. She thought her heart was going to break as he got out the bed and she immediately rolled into the sleep warmed space he had just vacated.

She could hear Shawn below her. These were the sounds which she had begun her day to for years and she had used to use them as markers for what she should be doing she thought to herself. They sound of the house, of the kettle, of doors opening and shutting… Then there had been all the mornings when she had wished he could go about what he was doing just a little more quietly, so she could go back to sleep or out of concern that he was going to wake the kids up.

As normal, he went back to the bedroom after he had had his breakfast and was sure to kiss her goodbye. It was only she who knew it was going to be last time.

"Goodbye darling - have a good day," he said to her tenderly and it was clear that he was still feeling the effect of the tenderness which they had felt for one another the night before.

As for Caroline she did not so much dare as open her mouth. This was it. They were leaving today.

But as his footsteps got further from her she felt the need to draw him close as his wife one more time.

She got out of the bed and her feet were cold on the floor, but she didn't care. "I love you."

"I love you too – something rotten. Now back to bed before you catch your death. You and the baby need rest."

She did go back to bed but she did not sleep and she did not rest. She just lay there awake, dreading the hatred he was going to feel for her, even as she knew she was not going to be there to feel it.

In the early days of their marriage, she had at times crept downstairs to try and get him to come back to bed when she had heard him up.

She smiled to herself as tears welled in her eyes for she could no longer deny that the warm memories of the day before now felt like ashes in her mouth and she did not know how or when that was going to change back.

The door shut below her and she begun to sorrow afresh for the life that she and the children were going to leave that very day. And in the end, she did as she had been told by her husband – she went back to sleep and upon waking up, she felt even less like getting up than she had the day before. But they had to be up and out – so she had better get on with getting the kids breakfasts she thought to herself. They were going to need them more than ever.

When she did manage to stir herself from her bed and her self-pity, she went over to her youngest daughters' crib.

Just as her mother had been, Kayla was awake but not truly there yet. The sight of her caused Caroline another wave of regret. Out of all of the children, Caroline knew this was the one who was going to have the least cause to miss Salem and everyone they loved there for she was the one who was going to have the least memories of it. When it came down to the cold facts, she was looked after by her mother most days and that was not going to change.

However, Caroline knew deep down she should not underestimate the role her father played in her life.

No doubt Kayla was going to miss the cuddled which he gave her when he came in from work and being on her father's lap when they went to church on a Sunday. She was going to miss the way he made her giggle and the cuddles he gave her when she was cutting a tooth.

There was a whole world of things which she was going to miss.

Caroline breathed, swallowed the lump in her throat down and forced herself to move on with the day – or else, it would all be destroyed…

X x x

"Right, you two, we are going to go on an adventure today - would you like that?" Caroline asked as she looked at Roman and Kimberly over the breakfast table.

Her little boy nodded in earnest.

"We are going to go up in an aeroplane."

Caroline saw such joy on her little lads face right then she could be forgiven for thinking she was doing the right thing. She did not think she had ever looked as excited as he did right then.

"Really mama?" he said as he put his hands around her in a hug of her delight, having got off his chair.

"Really my darling."

"Can I ride up front with the captain?"

"Well I do not know about that but I am sure we can see if he will let you in there to have a look."

"Is daddy going to come on the plane?" asked Kimmie.

"Can he?" Asked Roman, as far as he was concerned the only thing that was going to make this any better was the presence of his father. If his pop could come, then it would really be the best day ever. It was not as if they got to have fun together all of the time – why couldn't his father be with them on what he saw as a special day?

Caroline shut her eyes - for she should have seen that coming.

"Your pop has to go to work today, my darlings. Maybe next time." Lie number one.

She felt sick as she knew there was not going to be a next time – not one where Shawn was going to be able to come anyway, she sighed trying to make it easier for herself. There may well be another chance for them to go up in a plane when they were under Victor's wardship, in fact, Caroline was sure there was going to be. This was going to be the one good thing to come out of all of this she said to herself. Her children were going to now get chances and opportunities they never would have before. The education they were going to get they could never have been given by Caroline and Shawn.

Kimberly did not look as if she was convinced but as she was with her mother, it was not as if she could do much about it.

But she was sure she would be happier if she had her father there.

The next half an hour, for Caroline she found an odd kind of relief from her guilt in getting the kids ready for Victor. She made sure the two elder kids were ok, dressed comfortably for their long journey and Kayla got a bit of kick time.

All too soon, Caroline heard a car pull up and she felt her heart break for she knew it was Victor.

He had come to collect them.

She had been bending down to do up Kimmie's cardigan, but Caroline stood upon hearing the engine.

Her eyes automatically looked about the room. So here it was. The last time.

This was where she had been raising her babies. This was where she and Shawn had built their lives.

There was so much in this room which was hers. So much of what she was was here.

She didn't know how to be away from here. Now she would learn how too. But she knew in her heart of hearts, there was going to be so much which she left here. And from that, there was no getting away from.

"Mama?" her daughter asked. If one of them knew something was amiss she was sure it was Kim. She was sure she had known for days now. Roman was too excited by the whole thing to really tap into the fact something was amiss and as for Kayla, she was little more than a baby. Kimberly seemed many years older than she was right then.

Caroline smiled at her daughter. And she held her hands. As long as she and the kids had one another then she was sure the rest of it was going to be fine. They were going to make it so.

She was the one they were going to have to be careful about. "Uncle Victor is here to take us up on the plane and you need to be a really good girl for me. Can you do that for me?"

Kim nodded.

"We are going to go up high in the sky – and it might seem scary at times, but mama loves you – and I am not going to let anything bad happen to you my darling girl, I promise. Now can you trust mama?"

Kim nodded earnestly. It was rare that Caroline felt she was able to get a reaction from her daughter such as this one. She was all Shawn's girl after all. But for once it seemed to her as if she understood what was going on and so she had transferred her allegiance to her mother. And they were going to get through this. As a family.

But Kimmie was young – and though her mother could see she was doing everything in her little power to be brave, it was not working altogether. Caroline sighed for she had no doubt there was going to come a day when Kimmie questioned everything she was doing.

That she was going to regret the trust she had put in her.

But that was for later.

"You go and get your shoes on, my good girl." She said as she turned her attention back to Kayla.

No doubt her active little baby was going to get frustrated on the flight… she was going to have to hold her for most of it.

But at least she had made sure to keep back all of their favourite toys to take with them together. What had been packed was not going to be accessible to the kids but there was going to be plenty that was.

It was going to be a long time until they all got to Greece and she wants not going to lie for herself and say it was going to be easy - for she knew that was the furthest thing from the truth.

x x x

Victor had woken up with a spring in his step that day.

As far as he was concerned this was the day he had been waiting for all his life.

Never had he ever loved someone as he had loved Caroline. She had always been his darling, even when she was not his, and he did not think he was ever going to be able to forget the pain he had felt this day he had learnt she was going to marry Shawn. It had truly been the worse day of his life to learn she was going to throw herself away on him. She had always been too good for him.

And he had thought it was over until the day he had got back to Salem – that was when he knew there was still hope for them.

And now they were going away together and to his own surprise, he found he was even happier about it than he had thought he was going to be, as they were not leaving as a couple but as a family. Soon enough he was going to be a father to a child all of his own but till that day came he was not going to be sorry to be raising Caroline's. True, he had not spent a lot of time with them yet but what he did know of them was charming.

He was sure they were all going to be able to build a life together and at the end of the day, he was sure that was what mattered when most. Yes, he was sure at first, they were going to be a little fussy and missing their father, but he was going to try and make sure it was a phase and nothing more. He was sure they were going to recover and then he was going to be their father. They could be a family. Whereas Caroline he did not think was sure of anything at that moment, he was sure of many things.

And thus he was smiling as he got out of the car and headed towards the Brady house and his future.

Before he so much as got to the front door it was open.

Caroline stood in the doorway with Kayla in her arms. The baby was smiling and to him, it looked as if she was ready to go which had been the aim of her mother. There were now so few ways that she could not betray Shawn and she knew deep down none of the rest of it was going to matter to him now. She was taking his children and for that, there could be no forgiveness.

But the decision had been made.

Still, Victor was not going to go over their threshold. Not that day.

"Good day, my love," he said as he leant forward and kissed her. This was the first time the two of them had kissed in public and she had to admit even then, she felt as if she was terrified they were going to be caught and seen by someone who knew her only as Mrs Brady.

But that was the life she was leaving behind she told herself.

This was who she was now.

She wondered if when they got there she would be known as Mrs Kiriakis.

"Good morning," she said to him with a smile. The two of them were having a baby and though she did not want to be doing this – he had power over her and she knew she had to keep him sweet.

Otherwise, everything would be destroyed…

There was a part of her which felt as if she was in an out-of-body experience. Yet, there was another who remembered not so very long ago she had been all too happy to go to him and spoke of her love of him.

And there was no way that part of her could die so quickly. It was that she had to harness. Maybe this was the bitter part of the pill – maybe once they were over there it was going to be so much easier.

Maybe in some weird way, this was the right thing for her to be doing.

She just did not think so.

"Are you ready to come and fly with me?" he asked smoothly.

If the children saw she was upset, then she knew they were going to be more so. For them, she had to be brave.

"Yes. Victor, can you hold her for me please?" she said as she passed him her Kayla.

"Of course, I can," he was with a smile as if there was nothing else in the world he would like more. "Come here, sweetheart," he said with a grin as he took her in his arms.

She did not know how many times she had seen Shawn there saying something very similar as he took Kayla in his arms – but he had more right to do so and it felt to her right then as if she had to plead with Victor for Shawn's sake, just one more time.

"Please Victor." Was she wrong? Was there a chance everything could be put right? "Is there no other way?"

She did not have to tell him what she was asking for he could hear it in her voice.

There was something about hearing the desperation in her voice which he could not stand.

"No Caroline." He did not ever want to hear it there again.

"There has to be another way."

"There is - we can destroy everything for all of us, and I can tell Shawn all about our affair – your happy family can be destroyed and then you can give your child to me."

She felt tears well in her eyes.

She would never allow that to happen she thought as she held her growing womb.

She and all four of her babies had to stay together. That was imperative to her.

"Then we are going to go through with our plan and we are going to leave today." He said to her in such a manner that she knew he was not going to listen to her argue on this matter.

As far as he was concerned this was a done deal.

And it was. She had known it was for a long time.

After all, they were all packed.

"So, what is it going to be. Are we going to get on the plane or we just going to stay on the doorstep all day?" He asked her with a raised eyebrow.

Without looking back into the house she nodded.

She was not sure if she had ever felt so weak and then she felt a tiny hand slip into her own.

"Mama are we going to go and get on the plane now?" asked Roman with hope in his eyes. She did not know how he was going to respond if he was told they were not going to now.

He would definitely be upset, and he tell his father and … and then it was all going to come out that way. There was nothing in the world which she going to be able to do to stop that.

She could not win now.

"Yes – we are. Now run and get into the car with Uncle Victor," Caroline said to him as Roman left the house. Following her big brother, Kimmie left too.

The last two weeks had been hell. Caroline had spent it packing, ferrying bits out of the house, trying not to cry or to say the wrong thing. All of that was over now she thought to herself and for the first time - there was relief. She had not looked for it or expected it.

She put on her own coat, picked up her handbag and steeled herself for the new way of life which she and the children were so going to be living.

With that, Caroline dared to look round the family room one more time, then shut the door behind her and walked away from the Brady House.

Years would pass before she returned.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

By the time they got to the plane, there was part of Caroline which thought her little son was going to burst from excitement about the fact they were going up in the air. Roman was beside himself.

But from the girls there no such excited.

Even getting on the plane, it was clear Kimberly was not yet quite sold on what they were doing and when they took off that was it. She went into full-on meltdown mode, clinging to her mother and crying for her Pop. It was as if she knew they should not be doing this without Shawn.

The reaction brought tears to her mother eyes and she stroked back her hair and tried to calm her. There was no such joy.

As for Kayla as soon as she saw her big sister is distraught, she too became upset. Unlike Kimberly though, she could be soothed Victor by a wonder and a look around. Her curiosity took over her fear.

If Victor was not wrong, then his loves youngest child was a very inquisitive girl and that was something which he was going to nurture. When things settle down, he promised himself that that was going to be the case. He was going to do that.

But he was going to have to give the two elder children the room which he knew they were going to need to grieve for their Pop.

As the Kayla and he found Roman, who had gone to explore, he could still hear Kimberly crying.

It was a sound which tore at his own heart so he did not know what it was doing to Caroline. The two of them were clearly just going to have to be patient with little Kimberly. He was sure they could do that.

"What do you think Roman – do you want to come up in a plane again?"

"Yeah – it is so cool! The pilot said were a thousand feet in the air and were flying over the sea…"

It made him feel like a bird, he thought. That was the only thing he knew which could do that.

"We are – we are miles above the sea."

And what felt the very best to Victor was to know they were miles above all of the problems which had been keeping them from this – from the family life which he had craved for years. It could not hold them down – not now.

"Would you like to swim in the sea when we get down?"

Roman nodded, thinking of the sea where his father had taken him fishing. "Yes, please Uncle Victor." As far as he was concerned that would be just as great as what they were doing. Right then.

Roman and Kayla were fast becoming his favourite children Victor thought to himself and he only made his way back to Caroline when he could no longer hear crying and he was sure the child was calm.

He did not know if he had done the right thing when he went back in or if Caroline wished he had gone in to help her sooner for she looked exhausted. Her daughter appeared to have cried herself to sleep in her mother's arms and Caroline was still rocking her right then, her cheek pushed to Kim's little head.

Kimberly had collapsed like a rag doll and he had to admit to feeling guilty. He had never meant to do that to the child – but they were all moving on with their lives now.

Caroline was still murmuring to her as he came in, trying her best to keep her calm, even in her sleep.

Caroline had been so focused on Kim that he felt as if she had not seen the two of them come in but as soon as she did her focused shifted from one of her daughters to the others.

"Is Kayla ok?" Caroline checked.

Her baby girl looked as if she was on the very edge of sleep but was having an easier time going off than her sister did.

" _I want my bed – I want to go home – I want pop!"_ They were the three things which Kim had said over and over when her mother had been trying to settle her leaving her in no doubt of what she was after.

"Well, she is fighting sleep, but I think she is fine, or will be," Victor said as he kissed her forehead. Kayla fidgeted a little but did not stir…

Caroline looked away even though she knew she was going to have to get used to it. Trying to spin it on its head, Victor did look as if he was going to make a good father to their own she thought. He looked as if he did care for Kayla.

But that was something which Shawn had used to do for Kayla – and as far as Caroline was concerned, that should be something only her pop should be doing.

"We knew this was not going to be an easy shift for any of us Caroline, but I do not want you to worry, we are going to get there. And I will always love and care for the three of them as if they were my own."

She nodded.

"Raise a smile, my love – we can be together at last. And I know this is not the way we would have chosen to do it but is it better than we can be together than not."

She wasn't so sure.

Gently, she eased Kimberly into the chair next to her. She was terrified she was going to wake up but clearly, she underestimated how exhausted her daughter was. She did not so much as stir.

Poor baby thought as she put her down, stroking her cheek for just a moment.

But she did have to for a moment for she was not her only child and she knew Kayla was at risk of being forgotten right there for she could not talk. Whereas Caroline had no doubt the other two were going to use their voices to tell her how unhappy they were with what was going on if they felt so, her baby had no such chance.

"Mama is here," she said as she took her from Victor and Kayla did not have to hear too much more.

She put her head on her mother's shoulder and she soon looked as if she was ready to go straight to sleep.

That was the thing about babies compared to toddlers thought Caroline. They did seem to need their mothers so much more. And they seemed to trust so much more.

"You are a good mother," Victor told her as he put his hands on her but she knew he was lying. No good mother would do what she had done. Ever.

Now she was just going to have to live with the consequences.

She shut her eyes and let her self be lost in her daughter for just a moment and hoped that somehow all of this was still going to turn out for the best.

X x x

Roman opened his eyes.

It had taken a long time but eventually, he had fallen asleep – the journey took a while - but his mother had no such relief. For the vast, majority of the journey, she had held Kimberly once more. Kayla thankfully seemed to settle with Victor, staying fast asleep.

Therefore, of the Brady children though, only Roman woke up with a start. He had fallen asleep in one of the plane chairs and they had been comfortable but it was nothing like the safe little bed he had at home.

Suddenly, he missed the room he shared with his sister. This had been the most wonderful treat the day before but - a wave of homesickness flooded him.

He had had such fun on the plane.

Now it felt less so.

"Mama?" he asked.

For a moment he could not see her and his panic increased but then there was her voice.

"It's ok darling." Caroline soothed as she came to his side. Out of the three of them, Roman had so far needed the least comfort but she was his mother and she could hear the panic in his little voice right then. It broke her heart.

He did not know what it was. He did not think he was able to put it into words but suddenly, he felt as if something was terribly wrong. And more than anything in the world he just wanted to be at home.

"Where are we?"

"We are going to go to Uncle Victor's house. Do you remember mama saying we were going to have a holiday soon!"

He did – but he did not know they were going on it right then. All she had said the day before was that they were going up in the plane – but then he guessed people did go on holidays in planes. Still….

"But it is going to be night time soon and Pop is going to be home soon."

"I know he is, my darling, but he knows where we are - and Uncle Victor is going to look after us whilst we are here." Lying to the children Caroline knew was the worst type of lying. She had not wanted to but – but if it helped calm them.

"Oh." Roman sighed.

He was glad to be on holiday but sad he had not had a chance to say goodbye to his Pop. He lay back in the chair and was heartened when he felt his mother's hand in his hair. She was there at least. And if she said Pop knew, then he did.

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	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

It was dark when he got back to the house which Shawn did not think was entirely normal.

After all, even if the kids were in bed then his Caroline was normally up. Perhaps, a fuse had gone or there was a power cut. That was not unusual. Still, he would have expected a few candles to be alight by now unless it had only just happened. He did not think much of it until he opened the door and the house to him felt as if it was one thing and that was dead.

What a terrible thought, he mused as he stood in horror that he even thought that.

But he knew the way to banish death was to find life.

"Caroline?" he called into the darkness.

But even then, there was a part of him which felt as if he knew she was not there.

He knew her and if she was here…

He turned on the light, took off his coat and then his shoes.

When he looked back on that moment he knew he was already trying to control his breathing and keep as calm as he could.

But something was wrong. It was in his gut which he felt it the most.

"I'm home darling." He said as he walked to the kitchen to feel nothing but coldness and to smell nothing.

She hadn't cooked. He wondered if she had gone to her mother's for dinner. It would not be the first time she had done that but what it would be was the first time she had done so and not given him any pre-warning. But maybe then she had been so busy lately. It might have just slipped her mind to let him know.

She did have a lot on with all three children and the new one on the way as well.

Even though he knew they were not going to be there he could not help but check the children's bedroom before he went any further. His dislike of the situation only increased when he saw neither Kimberly or Roman were in their beds, though to find them there without their mother in the house would have been worse. They were going to be in horrible moods for their mother the following day he thought to himself if they were not in bed yet…

But then Caroline had to know that.

In his most fruitless action of the night so far, he went into his own room and peeked into Kayla's crib to see that too was empty.

Right.

There was no family in the house, so he did not see much point in staying there. After all, this was their place to be together.

He went to the shop to the phone and instantly dialled his mother in-laws house.

"Hello, Ma."

"Oh Shawn, we do not normally hear from you this time of night –"she said on picking up. "Are Caroline and the kiddies ok?"

His mouth went dry. He had really convinced himself that they were going to be there in just a few moments and his worry renewed on hearing he had clearly got that wrong.

"That was what I was ringing to find out."

"You mean to say they are not at home?" he could all but hear her replaying the conversation they had had between them not so long ago. So, they had both been right that something was occurring with the woman they both loved.

Nothing of this was settling with either of them.

"I am going to ring my Ma and Pop – make sure they are not there." He did not know why she would have gone to his mother if she had not gone to her own, but it was worth a check before the panic really set in.

"Ok - but if they are not there then I want you to ring me straight back."

She would go around and sit with him until they were back.

The phone call to his mother and father did not through up any more leads for Shawn than the first one had but he felt as if he was beginning to have a million more questions.

He tried to recall what his wife had said they were going to be doing that day so he could work out where they may have got struck but he could not remember.

Nothing seemed to be in his mind right then but panic.

And so while he did not wish to panic his own parents or his Caroline's, he called them all round for he knew none of them was going to get any sleep until the kids and Caroline were home.

They were, of course, all now aware that something was wrong and it did not take any of them long to get round to him.

"Did no one even see them today?"

Even though his own parents were there as well as her mother, it was his mother in law who he was really talking to right then. She was the most likely to have seen them.

But almost at the same time all of them shook their heads.

"Then I need to go out and look for them."

Shawn's mother had almost feared that he was going to say that. No one could ever say her son was not a hardworking young man but it scared her sometimes, it did not take a genius to see he was already on his last legs that night. But she knew him well enough to know there was going to be no talking him out of this…

"Your dad and Eric are going to go with you," she said as she looked at her younger son and her husband though she did not think either of them had to be told. They were not going to be leaving Shawn to look for them on his own.

They were their family too.

"Aye," Caroline's father nodded, and it was clear he too was going to join the search. It was only going to end when the others were back home, safe and tucked up in their beds.

Whilst the men were out looking for them, Caroline's mother felt as if she was going cold. Evelyn had known there was something wrong with her daughter she just – she just hadn't probed it enough. Pussyfooting around and speaking to Shawn had not been the way to go now she could see that.

She wished she had simply asked her daughter what the matter was.

"I know maybe this should be Shawn's decision, but do you think we ought to call the police," she asked Colleen Brady.

Evelyn knew Colleen was not going to want to bring down any more stress on her son than she had to right then but this was not just about Shawn. It was not even just about Caroline. The two of them were loving and doting grandmothers.

The kids should have been tucked up safe in their own beds a long time ago.

Evelyn nodded for the last thing in the world which she wanted to do right then was to fall out with Colleen.

"Yes," Coleen nodded. If when the boys got back, they had Caroline and the kids with them then the two of them were going to look like almighty fools but – but they would both rather that than lose any more time than they had yet.

"If my son says anything about then I will say I backed you all the way but we need to know none of them are hurt."

Evelyn nodded. Their family search party was not going to cut it for long.

It was time for them to think bigger than that…

For the men, she did not think were going to be able to find them on their own. Much time had passed already.

X x x

Shawn knew where his wife's normal haunts with the children were and with each one, they ticketed off to no joy, he thought he was going to explode. The worst images came into his head of them hurt, Caroline beat up or robbed and his children crying for him.

He did not know why he had even gone into work that day any more. Would it have killed him to have a day off and spend a little time with them he thought to himself? He had known she was pregnant again and emotional – she had needed him and he had not been there and he was not going to forgive himself for that.

When he did find them, he was going to have the next day off he thought to himself and he was not going to let anyone of them out of his sight. He was going to hold Caroline and he was going to cuddle the kids, and he was going to make dinner for them all and just – just be the dad and husband he was sure they needed him to be right then.

"Have you had anything to eat yet son?" asked his father as the two of them went into the fish market.

He regarded it as something of little importance right then so he did not reply. Eric, Shawn's younger brother, looked at his fathers were raised eyebrows.

It was fair to say neither of them had ever seen his brother that way before and both had the same fear right then that Shawn was going to go a little mad if they did not find his wife and kids soon.

Shawn went into the kitchen and he saw his mother and his mother in law were not on their own.

Even though he knew the situation as bad, he had not wanted to believe it was this bad already.

They had called the police.

He felt his mouth dry up at the seriousness of the situation in which they found themselves.

"What is Officer Horton doing here?" he knew he was playing dumb and maybe it was not going to help but – but he did not want to be here – not like this.

For one moment he felt as if he was going to pass out. What if he had brought with him the news which he so dreaded getting.

"Shawn, we called him – I think we need a little help in the search."

It was most unlike Shawn but the fear which he felt made him feel as if he could yell at his mother for the scare which he had given her at that moment. He was sure this was not needed and he did not know if he wanted anyone to know outside of their family – but they did now. And he did not want Caroline in any bother.

"I do not think it is as bad as all that."

"Darling, if no one has seen Caroline since you did before work this morning that is the very best part of eighteen hours."

He had not wanted to do the maths and once more he felt if there was no one else around he could have screamed.

But there were other people around and he knew he had to face the facts, - he just had not wanted to.

It was dark and late and cold and none of those who he loved the best was where they should be. It was no exaggeration to say this was the very worst night of his life.

"Shawn can we talk..."

He nodded. "Officer, you need to bring them back – the children are so tiny - and she is pregnant." The officer nodded. "And I know we are going to find them soon but I do not want her to get into trouble for this, I know you take wasting police time seriously but –"

"Shawn, your wife and young children are missing. I do not think trying to get them home is a waste of time."

He was going to make sure there was no getting into trouble for anyone. But they did need to find out where they were.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

It was morning. Dawn was approaching and there was still nothing, no news, but the longest night of Shawn Brady's life had passed.

Shawn's concern for Caroline was beginning to waver into anger that she had not thought to call him, that she had not let him know the children were ok. And if she had been out there all night then he did not think she was looking after herself.

And she should be for she had their little baby inside of her.

She had no business keeping all of the children out at all hours and he had a feeling that when she did get back it was going to cause one flaming round between them because he had every intention of telling her. She was a mother and she was a good one so he did not know why she was acting in a manner which he thought was so irresponsible. This was not like her.

His annoyance at her was growing, as it was at his family as well.

The worry which they all felt seemed to work in some sort of cascade for he knew that the rest of the family were worried for him and there was nothing in this world which he could do to stop that.

But it wasn't helping them or him at all.

Not when he was trying to explain to a police officer something he did not understand himself.

"I need you to look is anything is missing Shawn." The police officer said to him.

"Officer Horton, my entire family is missing," Shawn stated plainly.

The hearts of his own parents and Caroline's reached out to him. It was clear he was beginning to be a man on the edge. He was not processing things as he should be any longer…

Caroline was going to be for it when she got back her mother thought. She should not be doing this.

"I meant personal possessions."

Shawn shook his head. "I do not see why that is relevant."

The officer looked down as if he was embarrassed.

"They are out there, hurt – why are you not looking for them?" Shawn was sure it. It was the only explanation. He did not understand why no one else could see that.

"Because we have to look at all of the options. And one line of thought which we have not yet explored is that Caroline – that she took the children and left of her own free will."

Shawn looked as if he was ready to blow his top.

"We have not looked at that line of thought because it is not – it is not possible, it is not sensible." He insisted as his voice raised. His mother's hand on his arm told him to at least try and keep his cool but it was not easy by any stretch of the imagination right then.

"But we do need to go into that Shawn - we need to explore every possibility and when we have done that we can build a strong lead on them."

"Shawn, you have to cooperate with them," Evelyn stated plainly. She wanted her daughter back more than anything and while she hated the thought as much as he did that, she had left here of her own accord, she was beginning to think it was worth looking in to. Better than waste any more time.

"I know I do – but I swear to you nothing is going to be missing. She would not have taken our babies from me."

The officer nodded but it was clear he was still going to make him do this.

For the first time since he had got home to find they were all gone, Shawn forced himself to look at the house critically.

But then he did notice something which was missing.

Normally at this point in the day, Kimberly's Sippy cup would be on the side.

She did not often have it in the day now as she was so sure she was a big girl but at night when she was tired she often wanted it.

So, her mother would give her some before bed but apart from that it lived on the sideboard where Kayla's bottles lived.

But to his horror, he saw nothing was there. Where 3 or 4 bottles normally there –

Nothing. Where were they all?

"The girl's bottles and – my - where is Romans train track?" he asked suddenly.

He had not been able to see it was gone when he had first come in – he hadn't been looking for it, but then it had been a while he was sure since his lad had played with him but now he was seeing straight and he could see what was not there, sitting in the corner where it should be – and it terrified him.

He tried to remember if the box had been there the night before and couldn't work it out either way.

His mind felt as if it was screaming but he knew he had to try and calm it.

And all he knew was if he knew where the train set he had brought for his son was and where his daughters Sippy cup was – it would help.

All of a sudden though the realisation that this may not be such an entirely fruitless line enquiry filled his heart and he wanted nothing more than to scream, for it this was true then the one who had put his here was his own dear Caroline and he did not think that made any sense.

The two of them were so happy together.

Why would she? She wouldn't, his mind rejected the proof of his eyes but it was not that easy anymore.

He looked about the room and he felt his anger rise. He was sure in the state he was in, all he could see was what was there, and he knew he had to think what was missing. Well, the coats were but he did not think there was too much wrong in that.

"Kayla's bag isn't here." Once more it was not so unusual – if they were out then Caroline was going to need it - but the panic he felt was not kept at bay.  
"Can someone find Kimberly's sippy cup, please," he said as he made a beeline for the stairs and his own room, the place they shared.

He was sure if he was in there then this nightmare was going to end and he was going to be able to make sense of it.

And then he saw that's Kayla blanket was missing. It was her favourite – she needed it at night. And while she was going to need one in her pram, he did not think he has ever known his wife to take it from the crib for her.

He had _never_ known her to do that, he thought, as fear soared through him.

Caroline had left him without so much as a by your leave and she had taken his babies with her – and he did not know which one scared him the most.

He knew the definitive proof was going to be in their wardrobes which was why he thought to himself, he did not want to open them right then as he did not know if he was ready to face the facts of the matter - but then what he was and what he wasn't barely mattered.

If he was going to catch them then he had to save time.

He went over to the wardrobes and opened the doors.

His heart sank for there was hardly anything of Caroline's left. She had taken all of her Sunday bests and all of her day dresses. Her jewellery box was gone from the top shelf. It occurred to him right then that she had taken everything she would need if she was going to start over. If she meant to live a new life she had taken everything she was going to need and left everything she did not want her old life behind.

Including him.

His knees went from under him, and he collapsed as if he was a puppet and someone had let go of the strings.

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	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 _Shawn,_

 _I am on a plane right now as I write you this letter and I miss you beyond what I thought you could miss a person._

 _I want you to know one thing above all others – that your wife, the women you married is a coward and not for one day of our life together did I deserve the devotion which you showed to me._

 _I do not know why I am writing this letter. Rest assured it is not to ask for your forgiveness as I know for what I have done there can be no forgiveness. Not from you or our parents and least of all from our god._

 _So why did I do it? Why have I taken the children and left?_

 _Well, I will say on this piece of paper which I have addressed to you what I will and have always been too much of a coward to say to your face._

 _I have been having an affair. I was a fool. I thought life might be greener on the other side - though I want you to know that is not the case and I regret the choice I made to even begin it every day and I know I will until the day I die._

 _All I meant to do was to be friends with him. The idea the two of us might turn in to something more never crossed my mind until we already had done and – and that was that._

 _I tried to end it – I even came pretty close at one time and in my arrogance, I thought that was going to be it. We were done, and we could all go back to living how we had done in the past._

 _My folly could be forgotten, and I could go back to being the very happy Mrs Brady I have always been._

 _It was not to be. As you know I am pregnant. And this shames me almost more than anything else – and it kills me to write - that this is not our baby. But mine and his._

 _Cruelly if I had my own way I would go back in time. Make sure he never learnt about the baby._

 _Maybe I should not admit this to you even in a letter I never intend to send but if I had my way we would raise it was our own. As a full blood sibling to our wonderful children._

 _I think in my heart as soon as I learnt I was pregnant that was my plan._

 _But then the father found out and he said by hook or by crook he was going to raise this little one of his and if I did not go with him to raise it then he was going to tell you._

 _And I felt sure if he did then the two of us were going to be destroyed forever, not that we are not already. I guess in my selfishness I wanted to be the one who pulled the trigger on us…_

 _I would not give him the satisfaction._

 _Shawn, forgive me but I could not see the light go out of your eyes. I could not tell you the truth as I could not bear the idea you might be disappointed in me. It is all so selfish._

 _And there is nothing I can do to take any of it back now._

 _The die is cast._

 _If you were reading this which I hope you never do, I guess the one question in you have is who is it?_

 _Its Victor – which somehow, I know is not going to be a shock to you, though no doubt you are going to be no less horrified. He will look after us, I promise you. I know it is going to be very cold comfort you._

 _And I can only say once more how sorry I am to you. Whether you believe it or not I did not ever want it to end as it has done – though this will once more be cold comfort, this is not the way I wanted things to go – and it is not of my choosing._

 _I hope one day the two of us meet again. Oddly enough, now I am so far away I want nothing more than to sit down and explain everything to you._

 _To make sense of it all – then to take the children to church and pray for strength._

 _But this letter has been too much about what I want._

 _I wish you strength, love and health Shawn – and for life to be kinder to you than I have been._

 _Despite what you and everyone else must think,_

 _I am still,_

 _Your Caroline._

Mrs Brady bit her lip as she finished her letter.

It was no word of a lie to say some days she did not know on earth it had all begun - how on Victor's return had led to all of this. She could still remember the day Shawn of all people had told her.

Victor was an old friend of both of theirs and her husband had been just as delighted to see him as she had been, they had both meet him before they had married – all three of them had moved in the same circles when they were young… they were friends.

She put her head in her hands… from friendship to leaving Shawn forever.

She did not know how it had come to this - she did not know how any of it had come to this.

X X X

Shawn's mother in the days after Caroline left was forced to watch her son become a shadow of the man he used to be.

Her strong brave boy became a quivering wreck.

Time went on and the police did all they could but it was hard. They had lost the fresh trace that went with a golden hour. And not only that, but the kids were with their mother and it began to look all too much as if she had left of his own accord. It did nothing for his spirits.

Those spirits just got lower from the moment he found that a lot of his families' possession gone, as he tried to account that his wife left because she wanted too. To the police turning up nothing to them, in the end, accepting that there was nothing else they could do. That was when his mother had felt the real fear – because for the very first time, he had done the one thing which he had not and that was looking for the answer as to what was going on in the bottom of a bottle.

For one thing, she knew that he would not find them and that was not her boy – he did not give in to hopelessness. But now he had. It was the day he had said nothing else live for that she had wanted to break out. Her baby was a destroyed man.

As time had gone on the family had got more divided.

Whereas on that first night, they had all been as united, as time went on the Brady's turned on Caroline's family. And they did not want to see each other anymore. The fact that they all understood that they had no idea what she had been planning no longer had any bearing on what they felt for one another, as all that begun to matter was that the kids were gone, and it begun to feel as if nothing would ever bring them back.

For six months it went on – Shawn in the bottom of the bottle trying to blank it all out and try to forget he had ever had kids for it was a lot easier to do that then remember and miss them. Try as he might though, he could not. And instead, all he could do was worry for all of them every day. It went a fair way to destroying him to think how big Kayla would have grown, how much more Kimmie would have learned and how mature Roman would become in their time apart.

One day the drinking stopped – the rebuild began – and the search resumed.

For the first time in a long time, Shawn let himself once more nurture the hope he would see his children alive once again. It was hard as it required him to trust time and fate.

But he was a man with nothing else left – and they had to count for something.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"There we are, my darling," said Caroline as she lay Kim in what she knew was going to be the biggest bed she had ever slept in. She could only hope the kids would all have a good lie in she thought as she looked at Roman who was sleeping next to his sister.

She had a feeling that they were going to need it. And if they did not then they were going to be terrors the next day.

Roman was the only one of the kids who had woke up to get off the plane himself when they had got to Greece. He had been the only one to feel the immense hear as he had walked down on to the tarmac on the runway.

As for Kim, her mother had carried her down and Kayla had been carried by Victor.

Caroline was not sure what her little son had make of the house as they had driven up to it. She was not sure what _she_ had made of it – it had been rather dark. All she knew was there were those who would call this a palace compared to the market not that she was one of them.

There were high ceilings and marbled floors and if they were here on holiday then she was sure she would be delighted but this was no holiday - this was their new life. It would be a pretty cage to be sure.

They had walked up stairs to a comfortable guest room where Caroline could tuck her children in for the night – that was the only task she had to think of right then.

She could think about the house tomorrow.

"I thought given what a long day it was for all three of them they did very well," said Victor from behind her and she shut her eyes. For just a moment she wished she could be on her own with her baby.

That was what she needed.

"They did," she said as she brushed a strand of her hair out of Kim's face. She could ask no more of her baby girl. She had been so brave – all of them had.

Victor looked at Caroline. It was quite clear to him that the strain had not only been on the kids that day and it was always at the forefront of his mind that she was with child. He had to take care of them both. It was his duty and his honour.

"Now the two of them are settled, why don't the two of us retire to bed. You look exhausted," he said to her in what he hoped was a comforting time. Now they were here, they should be rekindling _them_ he thought. They had died a death of late, that was for sure…

"No – no, I think I am going to stay here and be with the children tonight," She knew he was not going to like that but there was not a lot about that she could do.

Victor bit his tongue and felt as if he should have seen something of this ilk coming – and he was not sure if he could blame her for that. This was for now a strange place for them and no doubt if they awake and their mother was gone, they were going to be upset.

She was such a good mother and she was going to be that kind of good mother to their baby as well.

Their baby was going to be lucky to have her.

"Very well – then we can make our plans tomorrow," he said to her as he rubbed the back of her shoulders for just a moment. She nodded but did not show a lot of other acknowledgement which he thought was a shame – all he wanted to do was give her some comfort. But that would come in time.

"I will see you in the morning," she said to him and he could not help but think there used to be a bit more warmth in her voice when she spoke to him.

But they had all had a long day – and tomorrow was a new one. A night's sleep was going to reset them all. That was all she needed, wasn't it?

"Goodnight sweetheart," he said as he kissed her forehead and then left her to her vigil by the children's bedroom. He turned just as he was about to leave – there was something on the tip of his tongue which he wanted to say to her – he only wished he knew what it was.

He therefore made his way down the corridor to his own bedroom, which he had hoped that evening to be 'their bedroom' and hoped for a better day tomorrow.

X x x

"Mama," all it took was a word from her daughter and Caroline was wide awake. She felt as if she was on alert all night waiting got her children to wake up. But they had slept all night and now the sun was streaming into the room they had slept in.

They must have been exhausted.

However, here they were on a new day. And it was time for it to begin.

"I am here," Caroline said as she got up and kissed her forehead.

It was then she heard Kayla stirring and a quick look over the bed told her Roman was waking too.

"Where are we?" asked Kimberly. If she had not been asleep on the plane, then she had been in tears and none of it had sunk in.

Not really.

"We are with your Uncle Victor on holiday in Greece, do you remember?"

Kimberly nodded and Caroline felt the need to jump in for fear she was going to talk about Shawn.

"Why don't we go and find him and see if we can get a bit of breakfast?" she said as she looked at the two kids and then at her little baby.

"I am hungry," admitted Roman as he jumped out of bed and his mother picked up Kayla. Caroline did not think it was a big surprise.

"Come on then my darlings," she said.

"Are we going to see daddy today?" Kimberly asked with hope in her eyes.

So, they were not going to get to breakfast until they had had that question after all thought her mother.

"No – not today we're not," Caroline admitted as she kissed the top of her little one's head. Both of her big siblings looked as if they had follow up questions to ask on that one, but their mother rushed them out the room.

Until she had had a coffee, she did not think she was in any state to talk to them about their father.

"Come on then," she said as she held out her hand to Kimberly.

And off they went to the dining room, making their way down the vast staircase to get there and having to ask a maid on the way what way it was.

Caroline had maids now. She did not think she could quite believe the way her life had changed. And she did not think she was ever going to get used to it.

"Good morning sweetheart," said Victor as they all came into the room. Like the rest of the house the breakfast room was large, light and airy, the sort of room which should encourage relaxation. But Caroline did not think she had ever been so tightly wound.

Victor thought the children looked as if they were brighter than they had been the night before, but he was not sure if his love was. Caroline could not have, he thought to himself, got a good night's sleep when she had been in the chair next to the children all night but – but he had known he was not going to get her to leave the children. He knew her.

"Good morning," she said to him as she put Kayla in the highchair which he had ensured was ready for her.

Caroline sighed. He really had worked all of this out she thought to herself.

"Children," Victor smiled as he greeted them.

"Morning Uncle Victor," Roman replied whilst Kimberly shut her eyes and tried to hide in her mother's skirt.

Yes, thought Victor, he was going to have to work for the girls trust.

But he was going to get there. They all were.

He was not going to make a thing of it.

"How did you sleep Roman?"

"Good!" the lad replied.

"Well that is good," Victor nodded.

Before Caroline knew it the children had eaten and were getting fidgety. If Kimberly left gaps in the conversation, then her brother was more than willing to fill the silences, but once his bowl of cereal was empty, it was apparent the lad didn't want to sit there anymore. But nor did he want to go off on his own.

"Mama, can Kimmie and I go and explore?" Roman asked with a big grin.

"Well, I do not mind at all if the two of you go and play," said Caroline as she smiled at her son and daughter.

If anything, she thought that was going to be a good thing as it was going to give her and Victor the time, they needed to make some plans. It would give them time just to talk. She didn't think they had had that since they had left America.

And she knew they did need to do that.

"But stay in the house," she said to the two of them as they run off.

She did not want them to go outside – especially not with the pool there.

"We will mama," said Roman as they left the room. As they did so, for the first time since they had got here, Caroline thought she saw a smile on her daughter's face.

And just like that Roman and Kim were off to explore. The little girl seemed as if she was still somewhat subdued to her mother despite the smile but that might change in time.

All of them were still settling in here – and Caroline knew they could not rush anything.

So, it was asides from Kayla, Victor and Caroline were left alone for the first time since they had got to Greece. Yes, she was quiet and no it was not as Victor had thought it was going to be – but he had been right when he had thought this was going to be so much better for them than it was to be apart. He was sure he was right when it came to that.

"How did they sleep?" he asked. Roman may have already answered – but he felt as if the two of them needed to break the ice on this conversation.

"Well," she said as she leaned to get another bit of toast. Better than she had thought they were going to.

"That's good. I hope they can do so tonight as well. We can settle them in to their rooms before this evening," he said to her. Somehow, he felt as if it was important for them to get going quickly – and that meant something that resembled a routine as fast as they could.

"Rooms?" asked Caroline.

"There are plenty here – there is no need for the two of them to share anymore." He said to her by way of explanation. "Do you not want them in their own rooms?"

They always shared when they had been at home.

And if she was honest, she was not sure that she wanted them to go through any more change right then than they had already. But _it was_ a big house. And they were not going to stay young forever. So, there was a voice in her which said they should start as they mean to go on.

"I – I think maybe it is a good idea," she nodded. If they were going to deal with this then it was time to do so head on.

She did not want to settle them and then change the routine for a further time. That would not be right or fair.

"And what about Kayla? Do you want her to be in with us?" he asked. He was trying hard to do the right thing, to say and do the right thing. But suddenly she knew she was not as ready to deal with things head on as she had hoped.

Victor and Kayla could not share a room. It wasn't right.

"I think – I think until they are settled here – the children – Kayla and I should have our own room. I do not want them to come and find me in the night if they should need to and –" her voice died.

But he heard what she meant.

 _See me in the bed with you._

The only man they should see her in bed with was their real father and she did not want that to change. She knew they were not going ready for it to change.

Victor had to admit this was not what he thought life in Greece was going to be at all. He had thought when they got here, they were going to live as man and wife. It was not the case, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that if he put more pressure on then he would never get where he wanted.

He would be lying if he said he was not frustrated...

"You do understand?" she said to him with hope in her eyes – that they would not argue in front of Kayla. He had to understand.

"Yes – yes, I do but I do want us to be in our own room in the end," he said measuredly. But time he could give her – though it would not be unlimited forever.

She nodded. "We will be."

Eager to move along the conversation, she cleared her throat and changed the subject to another part of the children life which needed to be arranged so the children could get used to the new normal.

"We need to find new schools for the children."

"I've looked into it – and I have some recommendations." He said to her and the only thought in her head was of course he had.

He felt as if he had done the research so she did not have to. And the truth of it was he intended to keep offering and getting her help until she had all she needed.

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	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

They had been in Greece a week when Caroline got up and decided that she was going to take the kids swimming. It was going to be good exercise for her, and it would be good fun for the children. It was not as if they were going to have time to do that forever now, as it was not going to be so long now until Roman and Kimberly begun to go to school and nursery. Then the new normal would begin in earnest.

At the mere mention of going to the pool, it seemed to her as if the two kids had had their days made. Since they had got to Greece, Caroline felt as if she had been planning and setting up and the truth was, she did not know how much quality time she had had with her babies.

But this was the day that changed.

"Go and get changed for the pool," she said to the two older ones as she changed Kayla. It would be good for her smallest daughter to get in as well.

They were halfway through the house on their way to the pool when she saw Henrietta coming towards her when she had to say, so far she was one of the favourite members of the staff. The maid was kind and jolly and friendly and had made them all feel welcomed. She did not feel as if she had to put on any airs and graces with her. That day the maid was walking through the house with someone who Caroline did not yet know which she had to say was odd, for she had thought she had met everyone here.

"Good morning madam," Henrietta said as they met.

"Good morning, Henrietta - it is a lovely day, isn't it?" said Caroline as she

"It is," she replied and there was a pause. It was not so at first, but it soon became awkward. It was as if Henrietta expected her to know what was going on. But she did not.

"Well, as it is so nice I am going to take the children to the pool," she said as a way to excuse them but Henrietta, it was clear, was not done – but before she had a chance to jump in the new girl did.

"Well, in that case why do I not come with you?" the new women smiled brightly, and Caroline felt, if anything more confused. The last thing which she wanted was a stranger to go to the pool with them when all she really wanted was time on own with the children.

It must have shown on her face.

"Oh, I should have said, I am Maria. And I am here to be the children's new nanny."

 _New nanny_. Her confusion must have shown on her face. And then she felt anger. For she knew nothing of this and yet here she was employed.

And so, she knew who had done this. Who had arranged it.

"Henrietta, please can you watch the children for me while I go and talk to Mr Kiriakis," she said it in a very polite manner but everyone in the room could feel the fury in her soul as she gave Kayla to Henrietta and went to find the master of the house.

X x x

Victor had been working in his office when the love of his life came storming into it.

She looked pale and angry and he did not like that one bit for he knew it could not be good for their baby.

"Now darling why on earth have you got your self all excited?" he asked as he got up, wanting to calm her. He did not mean to be patronising and he knew that was how it was going to come across but it was done. Her blood was up.

"How dare you appoint a nanny without my say so?"

He sighed. Once more, it was brought back to him that if the two of them had set off on this journey together without her having been married to Shawn first, then there were going to be plenty of things which were going to be different between them right then.

Plenty of things which were not going to cause rows.

"Caroline, we have got three small children and we have one on the way -of course, you need a bit of help my darling." Was that not the way of the world? It was the way of _his_ world.

For a moment, he worried she thought he believed her to be a bad mother and that was far from the case. Ever since they had got to Greece and before that in America, he was well able to see that she was a fantastic one and he would never say anything otherwise.

All he wanted was to give her more time to rest.

"I have never needed help in the past." She said and wondered if that was the truth of it. She had had help in the past, but it had come in the form of family and community. Not staff.

"You have never been pregnant with a fourth before, and you have never brought one into the world," he said, "without family to help." She felt as if she could cry out – 'well whose fault is that?'

But that she knew would not help. However, the next words she said did not do that either.

"But this is not the way that Brady's raise our kids!"

It was the first time he let out his own frustration as he returned - "But you are not a Brady anymore."

It felt as if he had slapped her.

If she had known he was going to say the words to her, then she would have had a bit of time to get ready for them. As it was, she felt as if she was completely unarmed for them. It hurt Victor to see how much they saddened her – but they were all getting used to this new reality of theirs and – and it wasn't easy. He had not for once thought it was going to be for he had always known how worth it was all going to be. This sort of thing did not come easy. He let her run hands through her hair and sigh before he begun again.

"All I want to do is help you! But you have to let me," he said as he looked imploringly at her.

There were so many things on the tip of her tongue right then, but she did not trust herself.

And she knew it would be better to say nothing rather than what she would regret.

"I do not need help," she hissed as she went to leave the room.

But she felt as if she could not. As if she had to make his understand. Damn any regret…

"Being a Brady meant we talked through decisions – especially when it came to the children…"

"Oh, please Caroline, as if you want to talk to me about anything to do with the children," so he did know the truth of it. And it felt as if the gloves were off.

"If I felt I was going to be heard I would."

"When have I ever not listened to you," he asked, and he regretted as soon as he saw the look on her face. He swallowed. If she was the type, she would give it to him straight.

And she was a straight talker. But she had no one but him right then…

"Well, listen to me now when I say we do not need a nanny."

Silence.

"You are caring for three kids with one on the way- I think you do," Victor told her.

"Well I do not," she said and for the first time her voice was raised.

"Mama," all of a sudden, her own voice was not the one she was trained on.

She spun about to see Roman in the doorway, his little hand curled round the doorway as he peaked into the room.

God only knew how long he had been there.

"Are you ok, my little man?" she said as she begun to wonder how much he had heard.

"Are we going swimming still?" he asked nervously, and she nodded as fast as she could.

She turned to him and went to her boy.

"Come on sweetheart," she said taking his hand and walking away. She did not look back at Victor, but he followed her for as long as he could before she vanished from view down the corridor.

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	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Their time in the pool was not all Caroline wanted it to be.

She helped Kim and Kayla swim about but Roman was quiet for a lad who had been so looking forward to it. He paddled on his own and watched and smiled at his sisters but ultimately, he did not join in that much. She did not need to ask why.

Caroline did not have to worry if he had overheard. She knew he had and, on the way back from the house he proved it.

"What did Uncle Victor mean when he said you were not a Brady anymore mama?"

Caroline felt as if she had been winded.

"Oh, it was just a load of silly talk," she tried to say jovially. That was no easy feat though.

"When are we going home though mama?"

Caroline knew this moment for what it was. She had put it off for so long and she knew if she continued to do so then they were going to carry on in this Groundhog Day routine which they had begun.

But the truth was she was not willing to do that anymore. It was too hard for all of them.

She put Kayla down in her play pen when they got back to the play room and pulled Kimmie as well as Roman on to her lap.

"Come and sit down with me darlings, I need to talk to you." For the first time in his life that he remembered, the last thing in the world which Roman wanted to do was sit next to his mother because he was sure if he did so then she was going to tell him something which he did not want to hear.

"I want you both to know that I love you very much. And Pop loves you very much," she said as she thought of Shawn for just a moment, before blocking it out of her mind for fear she was not going to be able to get through this, "But someone else who loves you very much is Uncle Victor." she said as she kissed their foreheads in turn. "Now Uncle Victor would be very sad if we went home. He has asked us to stay a bit longer and because I do not want him to be sad, I said we would. So - so for the next little while, we are going to live here."

Roman nodded. He had been afraid that was going to be the case.

"Is Pop not sad we are not at home?" asked Roman questioned. He was his father's son through and through thought Caroline.

"I am sure he is - but do you know what I think we should do is write to him. We can write lovely letters to Pop and then he will know we are ok."

"But Pop does still like us, doesn't he?"

Caroline's hearts broke. God Shawn would – would be heartbroken to know his best girl had had to ask that. And the reason she had had to do that was because of her mother.

She had no idea how she was ever going to make all of this up to the kids, but she knew there was going to come a day when she did because there had to.

"More than anything."

"We are going to see him again, aren't we?" Roman checked as he suddenly clung to his mother.

She paused for a moment, not sure how to respond – but she knew respond she must. "Of course – one day. It may not be for a while though…"

Roman felt sick, but for the first time in his life, he didn't tell his mama.

X x x

In a silken night gown, Caroline stood on the balcony of her room and breathed the free air.

She did not know if she was able to say if it had been a good day or not. In all the truth she thought not.

She had had a row with Victor which had put her in a bad mood for the kids and she knew she had not handled the situation well with them either. Her chat with Roman and Kimmie was not – not how she had planned it.

So, she knew she had to begin to move forward. In fact, she felt it was high time she tried to make things right. Though she had had no plan and she wasn't sure what would have made it right even then.

So when Kayla was settled, she left her in the room they had been sleeping in, and in her night dress and silk dressing gown made her way down to the room where Victor slept. She knocked and let herself in even though there was no call to go in. She had got there before he had turned in for the night.

And that pleased her.

She had not been in this room at all to date.

Now she was in there, she could see it was all Victor. Yet not entirely masculine and set up for two people.

There were two hooks on the back of the door and a makeup table in the far corner. Flowers were on the bedside table and she knew they were not for his benefit.

So, he had been waiting for her to go to him.

Wondering which night, it would be.

Quite asides from anything else it was a beautiful room and she saw there was a balcony which looked out over the gardens to reveal a rather stunning view.

Yes, this was the master.

She went over to the balcony and opened the doors. It was beautiful she thought as she wrapped her arms about herself.

What he wanted to give her was lovely.

She was so lost in her own thoughts that she did not notice when, at last, Victor came into the room. Ever since they had got there, he had been waiting for this moment… But he did not think it would be that night.

Yet it was.

She had caught him off his guard as he had come into the room, ready to turn in.

"Caroline my darling," he begun, but she signalled for him to stop.

"I have something to say," she begun. "I am not sorry for what I said earlier. I do not want help and the children do not need a nanny," she paused in the hope that it was all coming out right. "but you are right, I do need to talk to you about the children," and she knew she had to be more open.

Though she would never forget what he had said or done.

She had gone to him so many times and in that way she had chosen him again and again and now it was time to live with that choice.

"If the two of us are making a go of it – then let's make a go,"

No more half measures. If they were going to be together, if they were together, they were together.

"I am going to stop holding back on us – stop trying… well I do not know what. So can I move into this room with you?"

A look of almost wonder was on his face, "Yes – darling, of course you can."

"We need to start moving forward."

She summarized her thoughts.

"I do not want us to fight all the time. It is not good for any of them children," she said as he came and stood at her side.

The two of them were both in their night gowns and she felt it was easier to be close to him right then.

More so than it had been in a long time. She could feel his warmth and through everything that had gone on of late she was sure she had missed the warmth of a mans flesh.

"I do not want that either. And I agree, for the sake of the children we shouldn't."

He knew he was not yet a father to them all but in times that was what he wanted to be.

And she had to know that.

"No nanny's – not without your approval and say so. That was highhanded. I just – I just want to look after you."

And he wanted to do it in ways Shawn never would have been able to. If the fisher man had had his way, then the two of them would have been working till they dropped. But ever since he had met Caroline, he knew she had deserved more. And now thank god she had put him in the position where that was what he could give her. He did not think she knew or understood how grateful he was for that.

"I know you do – and may be my reaction should not have been what it was. But the two of us need to start working as a team."

She knew that deep down.

She had made her choice. If she had faced out Shawn and been willing to tell him the truth things may have been different but – she hadn't. The truth was she had not even given a chance to her proud Irish husband to forgive her…

Did she think Victor had gone about things the right way? No. And deep down she didn't know if she was ever going to be able to forgive him for what he had forced her in to and she did feel as if she had forced into it. He was not the gentlemen she had though she had fallen in love with that was for sure.

But she had done wrong.

Now they were all paying the price. And as much as she wanted him to shoulder all the blame – that could not be. She had done wrong as well.

Her mind drifted for just a while. She thought about Shawn and how he was going to be feeling right then.

Her heart caught in her throat for she thought it might die of love for her Irishman, but he was not hers any more. And she had to look to the future if she was going to be able to help to make any sort of life for her Victor and the children.

And she knew they had to come first now.

"We do," he said as he put his arm about her. It was a rare thing he had felt this close to her since they had left Salem. The truth of it was, he was a romantic and when they had made their run for it he had thought it was going to be all hearts and butterflies. It wasn't.

It was hard and it was endless with the children. He now knew she was always going to be on call to them and that was something which was never going to change. Now she had refused the help on a nanny for now that was even more the case.

Never mind, he thought as he ran his hand through her hair. The two of them were going to get there time together as they were right then. He was going to make sure of it.

He leant in to kiss her and she did not resist. He had been afraid she was going to begin to but if that was where they were heading then he was glad to see they had not got there yet.

His hand automatically covered her stomach.

The thought of the new life which was growing beneath his hand and the bond which it was going to create between them excited him. The future was going to come – and he was glad that it seemed at last, Caroline was willing for them to face it together.

X x x

"Roman, it's me… can I come in?"

Roman had, as far as his mother had been concerned, gone to bed a long time ago but when his little sister came into his room that night Kimberly found he was sitting up looking out of his window, sitting on the ledge.

He tapped the edge of the window ledge next to him for he was his father and his mother's son and he was never going to turn his little sister away when she needed him.

"What is it?" he asked the nearly four-year-old.

"When are we going home?" she wanted times and dates and her mother had not given her that. Maybe Roman could.

For as long as she could remember she had always looked to her big brother for protection. Her dad had said if he was not there, then it was Roman's job to look after her and so she was sure he was going to have the answers which she needed.

But when she asked she saw something which scared her almost more than anything else and that was the fact her big brother this time did not know the answer.

He shook his head.

"Mama hasn't said."

"But don't you think Pop is going to be missing us by now? Or – or –" she did not know if she was even willing to voice the other terrifying thought that was in her head right then. But she had to if she was ever going to banish it from her mind.

"Of course, he is going to be missing us, but we are only on holiday," said Roman, -"we are going to go home." he wished he felt as much confidence as he said those words with. Uncle Victor just wanted them to stay for a bit longer than they had thought they were going to at the start. That was all.

Her brother had jumped in before Kim could finish the thought – but finish it still, she must.

"You do not think it is just that he does not want us anymore - that Pop has given us and mama to Uncle Victor."

If Roman was telling the truth, he had begun to be scared of that was well. But when he thought of the way his pop had always greeted them...and the way he was in general with them. And he had not been the one who was different. That was his mama.

Roman may only be nearly six but he knew enough to know she was talking silly. And though he knew he should not be, he could not help but the mere thought that might have happened made him angry.

"Do not be so stupid Kimberly, of course he would not have done that," he said and then regretted his harsh tone as his sister's face fell.

"Oh Kimmie, I am sorry." He gave her the answer in the end which he had hoped his mother was going to give to him. "we are going to see Pop again – don't ask me when because I don't know but I promise you we will," he said to her, for if none of the adults were willing to make it happen he was damn sure that he was. His tone must have been better for Kim did not look as if she was so sad.

And hope sprung eternal.

 _Please review!_


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